I love food, I always have. I love food the way it tastes, I love food that is good for me, I love the sociability, the act of getting together over a delicious meal, I love enjoying food with other people, but mostly, I just love food that tastes good. When I decided to go on a detox almost three months ago now, it was because I knew something needed to change in my life. I had completely become unaware of what I was putting in my body, and I knew I was beyond dieting. I needed support in changing my relationship to food.
Over these last three months, I can feel my relationship to food evolving. I do still crave cheese, and I’m not sure anything, losing weight, any feeling, clarity or otherwise would be enough to make me not crave cheese, but I don’t crave it as much as I did in the beginning. And, I definitely don’t sugar as much anymore. I’ve curbed the sugar habit quite strongly actually, and that feels really good. I saw people eating chocolate chip cookies on their plates at a meeting the other evening, and although I kind of wanted one, at the same time, I really didn’t care. I cared more about wanting the tuna and mayo sandwiches than anything which is so funny. I just miss mayo. I know people aren’t supposed to miss that because we all know it’s so bad for us that people just cut it out, but I do, I miss it and I know how bad it is for me but I still miss it.
My mother has always used to ask me, “you really NEED to have each and every meal you eat absolutely delicious don’t you?” and I really did because I’ve always felt like why the fuck not? This is the one life I get to live and I want to enjoy food. Now, I don’t want to be obese and I don’t want to be overweight so I can’t fully overindulge, at least the way I have been, but I do still want to enjoy my meals. And if that means enjoying french fries, then I'm going to order some! But on this detox I've had to find alternatives to french fries, other foods that could potentially fulfill part of the craving so I wasn't left feeling deprived, while also not filling my body up with fried foods. Luckily, I really am enjoying my meals with the way I've been cooking. For Thanksgiving I even made homemade dairy, gluten and soy free mashed potatoes, stuffing, AND gravy. And to add to the mix, I made a dairy, gluten and soy free creamed corn casserole dish to share with my whole family and everyone loved it! There wasn’t even any leftovers the next day of the vegan dish that I brought to the family dinner! It really was an incredible experience to have a delicious Thanksgiving feast, and yet not feel like I was missing out on anything. AND, the best part, I didn’t hate my body or how I felt the next day.
Figuring out how to eat meals elsewhere, going out and at friends houses, has not always been fun, but it certainly has been an interesting challenge. What’s really fun is when I find a meal, or create a meal that is absolutely delicious, and yet it has no cheese and an incredibly healthy balance of proteins, vegetables and little to no starches or carbs. That feels like true accomplishment! Tasting the detailed flavors in zucchini, squash, brussels sprouts, and really enjoying the flavor/addition of olive oil in a way I never really noticed before, actually feels a little embarrassing to admit. Mixed in with this embarrassment is pride because I finally feel like I’m treating my body the way it should be treated and I'm enjoying food along the way! I’m proud of where I stand with this shift I’m making, and I love the way I feel. And that, is without a doubt, the best part of my changing relationship with food, loving the way I feel!