Choose Love

Upon returning from an amazing journey in New Mexico with my new found breathwork family, people that understand my soul upon first connections, I realize how much growth can happen in just a short week. This Universe has given me a purpose in life. I may not always remember what it is, I may fall onto side paths that take me in a slightly different directions, but I know now that I am destined for more.

I felt the need to bring understanding and light to breathwork meditation immediately following my first experience. The message was urgent, eminent, and absolute – Bring this practice to the world.

Wanting to save the world is not a new sentiment amongst millenials or even matured millenials as I call myself being on the outskirts of this generation. And talking the talk and walking the walk are vastly different experiences. But if I want to live my life’s purpose and live a fulfilled life, this is the time.

The power of breathwork is life changing. If everyone in the world practiced this, if everyone in the world allowed themselves to let their guard down, to fight through their resistance to change, to push themselves to grow and become a better person, the world would be a better place. It would be saved, from our hate, from our pain, saved from ourselves. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all came from a place of love?

Love - Our natural state. The essence of our being. The state of mind we are supposed to live in. Choose love and we will be freed from our stories. Choose love and we will no longer be chained to our pain, anger, or sadness. Choose love and we will feel liberated by the endless possibilities the Universe is offering.

“Someone just told me to leave all my sorrows, if that is true I don’t know who to be.” Sienabo Sey. Let’s leave all our sorrows and see who we have the power to become.

Live in love and watch life change right before your own eyes.

Photo By: Daniella Matutes

Breathwork

Breathwork is a form of meditation. It is a specific breathing exercise that creates a heightened sense of awareness inwards, allowing your focus to be taken away from the neurological system. Because the technique requires your full attention, complete and utter focus, you’re constantly focusing on the breath and are unable to get distracted by words, thoughts, fears or anxieties. The benefits of such pure, unexpected focus, brings about clarity from hard decisions, clarity on your true self, your real dreams, it releases any inner pain and opens your heart allowing you to comfortably be with just exactly who you are. There is no other practice, to my knowledge, no other experience you can have on this earth (without mind-altering drugs) that can seamlessly connect your spiritual and physical beings.

Then, once you’ve cried to cry, shed the pain, the negativity, fears and anxieties away, you’re left with nothing but your vulnerable, open, big loving heart. Here I’ve set out explaining this practice and it’s glorious benefits. I hope by the end of this, you are encouraged to try a class because we all deserve to have this life changing experience.

The Technique.

This breathing technique keeps your focus so acutely, that there is no room for anything else to enter. So if you’re one of those people who has a hard time staying quiet, or can’t get your mind to stop making grocery lists, this is for you. If you’re the type of person who wants to feel a release, this is for you. If you are the type of human who wants to grow as a person, this is for you.

You begin with one sharp breath through your mouth while protruding your stomach. Then take a sharp breath through your mouth from your chest. Finally, one quick sharp release of the breath, again through your mouth. Repeat. I don’t believe speed matters. Some days I start out fast, some days I follow the flow and energy of the class around me.

The Release

Our guide started the class by reminding us that we were in a safe place. He said, weird things would likely happen to our bodies, odd sensations, tingling, potentially cramped hands, feet, face. No matter what, we were to remember, and he would remind us that we were safe and to let our bodies do what felt natural to them.

I have had a number of different experiences varying from a permanently cramped face, and lips pursed so tightly it felt like nothing would ever let them release. My fingers have felt like they were asleep but not in the painful way, in an almost orgasmic kind of way. My feet and face tingle too, my body was tense, and my shoulders sometimes hurt for awhile after class from being clenched together. My face is almost always soaking wet. I usually cannot stop crying, nor do I know what I am crying over. I didn’t have time to focus on the why’s and nor does it ever feel like it even matters. The thought of what and why is irrelevant, and now after a few different experiences with breath work, it always feels irrelevant after every class. Tears need to be shed so they are. Your body craves release, no matter what it is releasing, and the tears will come, if not in your first class, one day.  

The Love

Every teacher adapts a form of breath work that they believe in and crave teaching. After just 5 songs of this (20 minutes of breathing), after endless tears flowing, after receiving a tissue, this instructor brings the class through a self-love exercise. You are instructed to reach out with one hand in front of you. Then, think of a memory that fills you with love. Feel the memory. Live in the memory. Then grab the memory and place it over your heart. Place the memory through the door to your heart and feel your heart physically grow three times its size. It’s beating faster now and you can feel nothing but your heart. Put your other hand over the hand that placed it in your heart and feel the love. Then, think of a memory that fills you with laughter. Feel the memory. Live in the memory. The room might become filled with physical laughter. Grab that memory and place it over your heart, watch it fill your already too big heart with laughter. Next, think of a memory when you were proud of yourself. Feel it, live it and place it in your heart. Think of something you love about yourself. Feel it, see it and place it in your heart. Watch your heart overflow with love and gratitude into the rest of your body. My body became physically warm, the tingling from the breath work was mostly gone by then and my whole body was just filled with warmth. I could feel these memories bleeding throughout my every orifice; love and laughter were flowing through me stronger than anything I’ve ever felt.

Raw

You’re emotionally naked. Naked and not at all afraid because you’ve already let it all go. You have already pushed any negativity, self-doubting, stupidity, ugliness or lack of respecting thoughts out of your body. Now you get to sit here vulnerably with nothing but exactly who you truly are, the moments you love most and the memories you hold dearest. You are left with your most authentic emotion, your big loving heart. You are sitting there with pure LOVE. Walking away from this my heart felt like it could explode from love. I’m not sure I’ve ever allowed myself to feel this much love and release of all that bogs you down from being your truest self. This is without a doubt, the best part of breath work. It took awhile to come out of the physical state bioenergetic breathing put me, and yet a part of me never wanted to come out of it.

After

My favorite thing so far is that I felt the after-effects for the rest of that evening and into the following day. It was almost 24 hours of pure, authentic me existing in the world. This is something I had personally been looking for. A meditation that I could feel the affects of for hours to come following my moment of silence. A meditation that lasted me to the next moment. My practice of 10 minutes of morning meditation was not doing that for me, but bioenergetic breathing is.

I felt exhausted, and relieved at the same time. I felt complete drained of any emotion, thought, or experience and yet overflowing with love, happiness and gratitude. It’s the happiest I think I have ever felt.

Since my first experience in breath work I have been going back to that class, twice a week almost exactly now. I love it. It still feels like the best form of therapy you could ever receive, it’s like a massive immersion into your deepest fears, what causes your tears and anxieties all while being able to just naturally let them out before moving on.

I have learned that one of, if not the single most important element is to remember to go into each experience as though it’s your first time. No expectations. No pre-conceived notions, no personal or external judging of what happens around you. Just genuine child-like wonder for what today’s class will bring. If you leave your expectations at the door, you’ll have a more healing experience because opportunities will come to you that you might not have been open to in the past. You have the chance to experience things you didn’t know was possible, but only if you walk into each session with a drive for change, an interest in growth and an open mind to do whatever it takes to live a peaceful and balanced life. 

Love a Stranger

The world is full of beautiful souls. Of strong souls. Of individual souls. Of inspiring souls and of soulful souls.

We all begin as strangers. The connection between two people when they first meet is real. There’s those people you first meet and become best friends with. The people you instantly dive deep into and feel like you’ve known them for years. Then there are people you first meet that you just know are not going to be an everlasting friendship. People that you cannot see eye to eye with, people that make the hair on your arm, or your intuitive red flag go up because there’s just something not right. That’s ok. Move along. There’s someone else a few people down the sidewalk that you easily could find everlasting love with. No matter what the first impression experience is, we all start out as strangers.

When you first meet a stranger, you have no idea what to expect. It could be the worst conversation you’ve ever had or the best. Regardless, we all have the ability to make a connection to the soul next to you. No matter what our background is, where you come from, who you know or what you believe, we all have the ability to grow into something more beautiful than what you’ve ever known or believed possible.

It all begins with a single soul and the desire for connection. There’s endless opportunities to connect. It could be about adventure, about travel, about the world views, fears, about what you love doing, what you hate doing, what angers you to your core and what makes you fly.

If we keep an open mind we can all find a love within ourselves for the next person. We don’t have to love everyone, but you can find a common ground love.

If we come from this place, the place of honest connection and real, truthful love, then maybe we could lesson the worlds pain. Maybe the hate on innocent souls, the pain we experience when losing someone we love, wouldn’t happen.

Strangers. If we could all find something to connect on, maybe we could save the world from ourselves a little. Maybe, just maybe, we could empty out the hatred that fills some souls and replace it with love.

The Best Advice For A 20something As Told By A 20something

Most 20-somethings experience a momentous transformation after college called the quarter life crisis. Our experiences with this crisis vary significantly based on when they occur, how we handle them, where we move to, who we break up with, who/when we marry, and so on. Here I’ve gathered the best advice for a 20something as told by a 20something. These are people who have experienced this phase first hand, and whether it helps to hear you’re not alone or pushes you forward on a new path, here’s to hoping this gives guidance to at least one of you.

KEJAL

"If something scares you, that's usually a good sign you should do it."

"Always try to look your best. You never know when you'll run into a former or future love."

"Anyone who tells you that you can't do something can go eat a bird-shit sandwich."

 NICK

Move - Nobody should end in the same place they began - live, love and laugh someplace new. At least once in your life, pack up and move to some place different. It's amazing how much you find out about yourself when you wander new places with new people. You can't grow if you don't give yourself the room. 

Create - Whether collaboratively or by yourself, be responsible for creating something beautiful at least once a year. Art is a big small word and something that everyone should experience firsthand. It could be something written, painted, sewn, built, or said - just as long as it’s something you are proud of.

ANONYMOUS

“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.”
― Frank Zappa

People will always justify their choices to you when you are doing something different. Let them, for their sake. But, don't let ANYONE tell you there is a way to live life. The happiest people have invented their own way. 

Oh, and watch Blackfish.

KATHERINE

WEAR SUNSCREEN! - You never think you'll get wrinkles but when you do, it's quite a blow to that invincible ego.

Save your money - At the age of 28, I realized if I wanted to continue buying cute jackets and shoes, I would live with my parents forever. Not ideal.

If you don't like where you’re at in life, be brave and make the change. Move. Change jobs. Travel. Go back to school. It's scary, but you only get one life and you might as well spend it being happy!

GERARD - Sometimes, it’s just time to “grow up”. A little bit, at least.

Post-graduation, I lived with college friends, in my college town, enjoying copious happy hours with my social circle still in close proximity. Subsequent to say, the supposed transition into “adult hood” was non-existent. And then people starting moving away - they got into graduate school, began cohabitating and became serious about their jobs. My weekend warrior posse was shrinking and Friday nights were no longer an assumed night out. I knew at some point the remnants of undergraduate debauchery was going to dissipate but when it did, it was like someone flipped a switch. It took me by surprise. I guess, sometimes it’s just time to “grow up”. A little bit, at least.  

 DYLAN - "Avoid making life decisions based on the regrets of others." –D. Campbell

 TREVOR - "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

 Take a chance. I like to think of it as the basketball player who is waiting to be discovered but was always told by his coaches not to shoot because he wasn’t good enough. Suddenly the game comes down to him and he finds himself with the ball at the last second. It's an internal struggle of what he's been told for so long, versus having the confidence in himself to do something different – something high risk but high reward.

"Eat every cheeseburger"

A fun way of saying "Carpe diem." Get out there, get uncomfortable, taste things you don't think you like, look at things you don't normally want to see. How do you know you don't like it until you try it? If you don’t eat every cheeseburger, you won't know why one is better than the other. 

STEFANIE

Appreciate your FAMBAM.  Spend more quality time with your parents.  Ask them lots of questions. Don't skip family dinners in fear of missing the "Party of the Year". The bar can wait. Just stay home with the A-Team tonight.  In the end, they are the ones that matter and have always had your back. Trust me, every moment is worth it.

LYNDSAY

Advice that I wish I would have known..... Honestly, I hold firm in the idea that all things come to us when we are ready to hear them and as we need them. I think the experiences and/or 'mistakes' we may have made in the past have all helped shape us into the brilliant humans we are today. Learning and growing is forever so I do not know if any advice would have done me well earlier than when I was ready to receive it. We just have to trust the path and know that we are walking in the exact footsteps we are supposed to be carving out. Sometimes trusting that path can seem nearly impossible when navigating the waters of the 20something lifestyle. I suppose, if I had to choose one thing I wish I would have known, deeply known, it would be this - all experience is happening in exactly the time, place and space it is supposed to be happening and that you are okay. Then maybe I could have sat more comfortably in knowing that all things work out as they are supposed to. Every experience just adds to the perfect culmination of exactly the being we are supposed to be in this time; the present. The only thing we have.

The "Single and Just Fine Thank You Very Much" Wave

The first wave of marriages happens in our early to mid-twenties. These are the people who have been dating since high school, college or just after. It includes the lovers who have stood the test of time, the homemakers, the “I know what I want in life” couples, and maternal/paternal individuals who want kids at an early age.

The second wave is the early-thirty-somethings. These are the people have yet to have found a soul shattering love, people who’ve had relationships in their twenties with people they thought they would marry, and the people who find it crucial to explore a deep sense of self before falling in love again. These people attend the first waves weddings solo, they are living with roommates and/or potentially picking up to travel the world.

People say there’s a pattern that occurs with both sets of waves and that it’s a revolving door. Apparently some from the first wave will find themselves getting a divorce, while others start having babies and begin life as first time parents. The second wave are potentially playing catch-up to get their life back on the track they believe it’s supposed to be on, or find themselves married to Mr.Wrong because they were in too much of a hurry to fit the timeline in their head.

In today’s world we are waiting longer and longer to get married, have families and settle down – we’re traveling the world before getting jobs, living in our parents home to save money, getting married later in life, and having babies way before a ring is even in the picture. We are no longer forcing ourselves to fit the linear path of societal expectations and yet at the same time it can be difficult to feel confident about where you stand in life if you don’t find yourself fitting into a societal wave. Or if you are in a wave but choosing not to make decisions that others see as coming next for you in life like buying that house in the suburbs or having babies.

Regardless of where you find yourself fitting in, watching everyone around you make these major life changes can cause restlessness and uneasiness about the path you have chosen.

Instead of living in fear that the waves are shaping and crashing without you and wrestling with the lack of understanding in your intention for the next phase of life – make yourself aware. Begin meditation classes, or perform your own act of serenity so your intention is put out into the universe. By doing so, even just saying it out loud – “I need guidance towards what’s next for me”– the solution will make itself present when you are ready to hear it.

Listening to your instinct gives you the real answers. Separate fact from fairy-tale and stay sane when you’re watching all your friends move forward in a wave. Whether you’re struggling with your next career move, coupled-up, single and looking, or single and just fine, thank you very much – putting your intention out there will give you peace with where life is supposed to be taking you.

By listening you’ll find the guidance you are looking for.

The Unexpected Clarity Found in a Walk

Walk. 

Walk alone. This will give your body profound inner silence. You will start to notice the color of the flowers and the shape of the clouds. Walking alone rejuvenates the soul. It is when clarity is found.

Walk with a partner. As you observe the world around you, you’ll find that the bond that already exists between one another will grow and strengthen as you walk. The life solutions you’ll come to from the silence that breathes between your words will only bring you closer. Walking with a partner empowers us.

Sometimes, give walking precedence over running.

We are naturally fast paced- moving quickly towards the next meeting, running to catch up with our dreams, or racing to lose weight. We feel the faster the better. We forget that walking is great for the mind, body and spirit. Walking clears your thoughts, allows your soul to breath and for those minutes, reminds you that everything will be okay. It is through walking that you are able to feel the simplicity in the darkness that thickens your life so often.

My mother first introduced walking into my life.  Whether it was my whole family, or just my mom and I, the four-mile walks we would take on the beach gave us time to enjoy the world around us, appreciate the colors in the sunset, and get to know one another. As a teenager, many a walks were spent venting about my always emotionally distraught life, and as I grew older, I started getting to know my mom as a person and not just a mother. I began enjoying the activity of walking when I learned it was an untapped resource for bonding. 

The power of walking continued to develop later in life as I walked the streets with a passionate love. Walks with this man began innocently as the only way to connect among the constant chatter and commotion of college roommates and parties. It was our sanity, a time when we saw straight into one another’s soul.

Walking is therapy. It brings forth a sense of clarity in the everyday madness we live in. It provides normality for the soul as we reconnect with the earth and the beauty that thrives all around us. Whether you are introducing or reintroducing walking in your life, you will find transparency in a world of madness, connection to passion and reconnection with things that have always been important to you and yet you’ve lost along the way.

Walk. Just walk and find the unexpected clarity.

Post inspired by the novel “Walking in this World” by Julie Cameron

Images from http://vi.sualize.us/ 

How to Find Solace in Being Alone

Be patient.

It takes time to become comfortable with you. It takes time to get to know who you really are and understand what you really want, make decisions for yourself and feel at ease in the sweet and utter silence of your own presence.

Start small.

Go on walks alone. Use your headphones to bring music to your ears and soothe your brain from making you believe you’re a freak for walking alone. When you feel comfortable with that go to coffee shops, libraries and parks alone. Bring a book if you feel naked, but practice putting it down for periods of time to enjoy your surroundings, the people, the noises, and the conversations. Try the same coffee shop without your headphones. Sit at a large table, one in which you are forced to share so you meet someone new. You may even strike up a conversation you never thought you would have had. That’s what coffee shops are for, and without your headphones you’re introducing yourself to the world. You’ll find this becomes ritualistic -the walks, the coffee shop and park visits without books or headphones become meditation to you. Your aloneness begins developing into a form of salvation.

Next, take yourself to dinner.

Go some place you’ve always wanted to try. Somewhere you will indulge deeply and passionately in your food. Find yourself smiling because it’s all so delicious. Order desert to top the meal off and eat it slow as you look around and see that the world is too concerned with the conversations at their own table to judge you for being alone. Some may in fact be wishing they were you instead of involved in the social obligation they were in fact obliged to accept.

 Go dancing.

If you go somewhere you’ve never been, somewhere where you won’t run into anyone you know, than it simply becomes your body on a floor moving to the beautiful sound of music. No one will notice you’re alone because you’re simply allowing your body to dwell in the soft musical instruments and moving freely like the body was made to move. A new conversation may even begin and you’ll have an epiphany to add to your creative well.

Embrace the loneliness.

When you are painlessly able to get through these movements, you’ll realize that lessons from kindergarten really are true. You are special. By embracing our loneliness we find a deep love for our own soul.

Acceptance

Instead of giving in to the societal fear of loneliness, accept it for all that it is. Allow your heart to be broken, and tears to fall, then move on. Help yourself heal by fulfilling that creative art form you’ve been neglecting and decorate your home with beautiful crafts that make you happy. Embracing the loneliness allows you to feel joy and happiness for the most important person in the world, yourself.  

Facebook Hurt My Feelings

You’ve never considered yourself a masochist. You probably even genuinely believe that you don’t seek out pain or heartache. Although that may be true in the real world, in the digital world, you too have wasted hours of your precious time receiving emotional blows from Facebook. It’s addictive, doesn’t matter what you say, you can’t, and won’t delete your account. Despite all the times you have been filled with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) because everyone around you is having way more fun than you, and despite the physical pain of seeing your ex-boyfriend’s new “in a relationship” status, you remain an active Facebook user.

A day in the life of a Facebook user…

You were perfectly happy in your own little world today. You went to work, had a wonderfully productive and inspiring day at the office, had dinner with old friends, and even made some weekend plans that include the perfect amount of art, culture and sociability. This is you living in the moment, enjoying your life day in and day out.

 You drive yourself home from dinner in good spirits and bundle up in bed. As your eyes grow tired, you decide to hop on Facebook. You’re scrolling through your newsfeed and doing what everyone does when on this site: making assumptions about people you used to know but were never really friends with. Once you’ve spent a good deal of time searching them, your mind wanders to those whom you used to have a real life connection with but no longer do.

These are the people you know you shouldn’t look at their profile, nor should you look at their friends or family members profiles just to be safe. They are your ex-boy/girlfriends, or ex-loves. They are the people that you no longer love, that you haven’t spoken to in months if not years, and likely for good reasons. Yet still, your emotional self wants to know what they did for Thanksgiving this year, or whose wedding they were invited to that you weren’t. Despite your sensible-side knowing that seeing this information will give you an emotional rush leaving you in pain or longing, your will power to protect your heart is overruled by the easily accessible information.

After a deep breath, you’ve clicked on their name. If it’s not a picture of them with their new significant other, then their status is a quote in which your self-indulgent ego can’t help but wonder (or hope), if they were thinking of you when they wrote it. Your insides do some flips and you might even log off for the night. The problem is, the day will come when your addiction is in full affect, and Facebook feels the need to inform you that your ex-lover is now engaged, or ex-best friend had a baby and you had no clue she was even pregnant.

You’ll sit there staring, angry at the computer. If you had already heard such news from a friend, seeing it happily displayed in front of you with a bunch of “congratulations” messages will be a little easier, but not much. Facebook validates the news. It reaffirms that you really know nothing about this person’s life anymore.

The truth is the only way to be completely free of the emotional stress Facebook causes your life, is to get rid of it altogether. You can de-friend, or block for so long as it’s only a matter of time until you find out some information. Or at least until he/she “pokes” you, causing a tidle-wave to run through your stomach.

In reality, you’re never going to de-activate your account. You secretly want that little bit of knowledge and access into the lives of those you no longer talk to. So either tone down the Facebook stalking or accept that Facebook is just going to hurt your feelings. Ultimately, you too just want to show off how successful, happy and in love you are, likely hurting someone else’s feelings. 

Men Are Stupid. Women Are Crazy.

By: Jenna Reiss

Story by: Papa Burt Altman

When a man of few words silences a table full of women who don’t stop talking, you listen. Because of his well-known one-liners full of wisdom that left you pondering well into the night, my grandfather knew the table would hush immediately upon his cue. He picks up his glass and says, “I will be writing a book one day titled: Men Are Stupid. Women Are Crazy.” Here’s a snippet from what I think would be in his book.

Men are Stupid because:

• You really don’t pick up on any signs a woman gives you. Whether she’s trying to hit on you by just glancing your way from across the bar, or she’s upset and just wants you to ask what’s wrong, you can’t seem to get a clue and read the signals.
• You are all convinced that a woman is driven by her need to get hitched. Yes, most of us out there do want a man to settle down with eventually, but right now, in the moment, she too might just want sex and nothing more. Inventing a scenario of where this is going and running away now, is just stupid.
• You assume that we’re never in the mood for sex when usually all we really need is some good old-fashioned 4play (to get us started). Yes, we may not be in the mood ALL the time, but we’re there more frequently than you think. You just need to put in a little bit of effort
• Everything you do is a competition. This means that the dumbest thing in the world will set you off, anger you or make you feel “less of a man”.
• Most of you actually thinks that you have the right to hit on us. In your minds, hitting on us is such a huge compliment that it really doesn’t matter what is said or how it’s said. If we receive a compliment from you, we’re supposed to consider ourselves grateful.
• You listen to your even dumber friends who have commitment phobia, mommy issues, or just a terrible dating track record. When taking advice from guys like these, anyone is bound to fail.

Women are crazy because:

• When we like a guy more than they like us, we obsessively want contact with them. Then, the more they pull away, the crazier we get until a good friend is able to pull us in from our manic mannerisms. 
• We are passive aggressive. When we send a text message, there generally is hidden meaning. Therefore, we get crazy trying to understand what your texts actually mean, and don’t believe anyone when we’re told that they mean exactly what they say.
• We have too many hormones once a month.
• Sometimes we just want to cry. It won’t even be because we are PMSing, we’ll just feel emotional, and when we see a child getting bullied on Full House, yes, we will get a little misty.
• We listen to our even crazier friends who are marriage obsessed, or the needy relationship type. Then when we’re texting a guy who clearly is just not that into us, we refuse to accept his lack of interest because we’ve been told that he’s probably just busy, with his mom whose in town, or he’s just so into us that he can’t even put it into words.  

Good People Never Leave Us

• Don’t be afraid to make a decision and follow through with it. He had only just met Grandma Connie before saying he knew he was going to marry her. 65 years later, they have built an incredibly supportive and loving family. He may have been a picky man, but he knew what he liked when he saw it, and when he wanted something, he went after it. 

• This is also true when it comes to his food. A delicious meal isn’t something everyone can appreciate. But Papa, he knew and you knew, when he liked or didn’t like his meal. It was his love and enjoyment for food, that taught me that appreciating the little things, such as your breakfast, lunch and dinner, will always make a day better. 

• He was a man of few words, well at least when he was surrounded by all the women in our family. He chose his words wisely, and when he decided to speak over the yapping women at the dinner table, it was always to say something wordly like: “Men are Stupid, Women are Crazy”. Papa taught me that sometimes few words are needed to express the most important things, and when you do choose to speak, your one phrase of the night will be more meaningful than if you had been gabbing the whole night. 

11 Differences Between Early 20somethings and Late 20somethings

1.    Would rather say no to precancerous freckles and use the 45 instead of sizzling in the sun all day covered in tanning oil

2.     No longer want to go out until 3am every night on the weekends. We’d rather get up early on Saturday mornings, work out, and enjoy the sunshine than be hung-over on the couch until 4pm and have done nothing with our day (although that still happens)

3.     Prefer a cup of tea or decaf coffee after 4pm on a work night because we need to get up early the next day

4.     Buy one another real birthday gifts instead of just birthday shots

5.     Think about what alcohol we should supply and food we should serve when throwing a party instead of expecting everyone to take care of themselves

6.     Contemplate the qualities in our man in regards to a long-term relationship or possibly even marriage, instead of just dating the guy who gets along with our friends best

7.     Consider switching to organic everything because we are beginning to see a new line on our face, or extra fat on our bodies from the years we used chemical filled makeup and ate KRAFT mac-and-cheese

8.     Can no longer do anything productive after a night of drinking, let alone go back to work on Monday after a weekend filled with it.

9.     Wash fruits and vegetables before cooking with them because we’ve now watched documentaries on the chemicals that we’re putting in our bodies if we don’t

10.     Would rather be warm and not “as cute”, than have a sexy outfit in the freezing cold. (this is relative)

11.     Consider buying a hotel room for ourselves instead of just crashing on one another’s floor, (operative word being ‘consider’ – not sure we actually follow through yet) 

12 Reasons Why Your Dog is Your Best Friend

•           Because as her owner, she looks exactly like you (whether you like it or not).
•           Because she has been around longer than most of your ex-boyfriends.
•           Because she knows your moods better than most (and always does the most cosmically perfect thing when you need it most).
•           Because she’s funny – whether she’s barking at another dog on the TV. chasing your feet, trying to attack your hand that’s underneath a blanket pretending to be a living thing or chasing her tail, she makes you laugh.
•           Because she always greets you at the door with a smile on her face. Not sure anyone will ever be as excited as your dog is EVERYDAY when you come home.
•           Because when she walks, she saunters like she rules the world, and in her mind, she does rule the world.
•           Because she corrals the whole family when on walks and gets really stressed out when you’re not all together.
•           Because she perfectly cleans your floor when you spill
•           Because she attacks flying snowballs and is then perplexed when she can’t find where the “ball” went after it was thrown.
•           Because as the woman in charge of the house she always welcomes the people you want to come over and scares away the ones you don’t ie: the “stop by” neighbor, solicitors, an ex.
•           Because as angry as you might be when your in your black blazer, her incessant shedding will make you smile one day. 
•      Because she’s the most consistently kind friend you’ll ever have.

You Know You're a 20something When...

- you have a day dedicated to laundry

- you get drunk off of 2 glasses of wine

- you’re stoked about a fantastic deal on a couch for your  new place

- you’re really excited about the sale at Anna’s Linens or Joan’s Fabrics

- it takes you a whole week (or longer) to recover from a weekend of partying with your college friends

-you have to make dinner plans with your girlfriend at least a week in advance to ensure that you both can actually make it happen

-you begin thinking about booking that hotel room instead of crashing on your friends floor, {operative phrase being, “begin thinking…” doesn’t mean you do it yet}

-friends ask you to come out on a Saturday night, you say you’re staying in to watch a movie, they call you lame, and you could genuinely care less

-you find yourself unsure of the last time you had to make new friends

-you choose your career over your social life

-you spend all your paycheck on household objects and exciting new kitchenware

-you go home around 1am and feel like it’s a very “late” night

If this doesn't make you laugh a little bit and it's all still too depressing for you:

 a) it's okay but you are probably still struggling through your early 20's, and

 b) I promise, there is still a lot more fun to be had.

Channeled Creative Energy

My writing block, which has been going on since April if you can’t tell by my lack of posts, is no longer stifling my inner artist. As Julia Cameron, author of what many artists consider their Bible, The Artists Way, taught me that being blocked doesn’t mean the creative juices have stopped flowing. Since it is everything I can do just to write my daily Morning Pages, I have been channeling my creative energy and kept my inner artist happy with painting and arts and crafts.

My first piece was inspired by a quote that always makes you smile. Bob Marley ingrained in our heads that “Every little thing is gonna be alright” and as this really hit home with the aches and pains that my writing blockage has been causing, I decided it was the perfect quote to put on my wall. Here’s how I created this piece:

1) I began by modge-podging newspaper to the canvas.

2) Because I only wanted bits and pieces of the newspaper to stick to the canvas, I waited just a few minutes for it to semi-dry before pulling it off until I was happy with the amount left on the canvas.  I felt as though this gave the canvas an older, vintage look, which seems to be the theme of my home.

3) I then freehand sketched the letters, in a font I found online, onto the canvas.

4) For the painting portion, I wanted to maintain that vintage look across the entire piece so I mixed a bright yellow with a bit of grey to create an older, worn down looking yellow. Below was the end result and I’m happy to say that my inner artist feels great about it.

My next piece was inspired by one of my favorite blogs A Beautiful Mess. I followed all of her steps, mixed in a bit of my own personal taste, and created something I’ve fallen in love with. For a quick tutorial this is what I did:

1) I bought letter stickers from Michaels, and after being inspired by my first Bob Marley piece, I decided to follow the theme and use “Don’t worry ‘bout a thing”. (Clearly I will be displaying these pieces on top of one another.)  

2) For the canvas, I used an old painting, but you can use any vintage canvas or even create your own background. You can collage images from a magazine, use an old book, or newspaper, but make sure you don’t adore what you are using because you won’t see much of the pattern when your done.

3) I then arranged the letters on the canvas in a way that fancied my taste.

4) Time to paint! I used acrylic paint from Michaels, and I mixed mostly green with a bit of grey to maintain that vintage feel, and went to town. I had a great time playing with the strokes to determine which one I liked best, and which showed the right amount of each color. You can’t go wrong in this step.

5) After letting the canvas dry, peel the letters off to see your almost finished piece.

Although the words aren’t flowing, (I even felt as though I struggled writing this out), I’m discovering that our first art choice doesn’t mean we aren’t great in other platforms. I encourage everyone to try an art that you might’ve never tried before. You might discover that you’re actually pretty great in other specialties.

HAPPY ARTISTRY!  

On Falling In Love

One of my favorite blogs A Cup of Joe recently posted this beautiful letter that John Steinbeck wrote to his son Thom who had previously confessed he had fallen deeply in love with a woman named Susan.

Steinbeck beautifully describes the two very different kinds of all-consuming love and it left me with a smile on my face. Enjoy!

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

Loud and Clear

I’ve been raised to believe in my instincts.  That initial reaction in your body that quietly whispers the right answer. That little voice that tells you to quit your job and move across the country, or that gut reaction that a boy is most definitely wrong for you.

Throughout my life, rarely has that gut reaction, or that little voice been loud enough to provide me with exact clarity. Instead, I generally hear a quiet whisper, whose presence I can recognize, but conveniently “forget” to listen to. It’s either because of the quietness of the voice, or because it’s saying something I’m not ready to hear, that I’ve smothered it to the back of my mind, or ignored it all together. That is, until the day when ignoring it is no longer possible.

(That’s the beauty in the voice; it never really goes away. Even if you “can’t” hear it, it will be there helping you until you make the choice that best suits you.)

I recently had an experience where the voice spoke its words loud and clear. I cannot pinpoint the exact words it was saying, but it was an unbelievable experience to hear it so prominent inside me. As it was such a foreign feeling, listening to it made every ounce of my body fearful. I was terrified of what this decision amounted to and instantaneously I deeply mourned what I knew I needed to walk away from.

Truthfully, as the decision is still fresh, I’m still mourning what I am saying no to in order to say yes to the voice. Many things have happened, have been said and have brought me to doubt what the voice is telling me. Most people are supportive which brings a larger sense of confidence to the decision, but there are the ones that make me doubt my decision. Sometimes I go there, I allow those people to get inside me and instill that fear of change. But ultimately, I’m realizing how beautiful it is to have that voice speak so loud and clear. Maybe its not that its even being loud and clear and its more that I’ve chosen to listen intently to what it has to say. Either way, I hear what my gut is saying. I know that my body feels good with this path the voice is telling me to go down, fear accepting and all.

I hope this experience gives me more confidence in my voice for future decisions, and I hope I am able to listen more intently to what it has to say because I believe strongly that our intuition speaks to us. When we are torn between decisions in life, listening to it speak can really help bring clarity to the most difficult decisions.

Friends That Are Family

People always told me Eugene Oregon was a magical land. Friends who had graduated were always reminiscing of the beauty that is this small little college town. They would say it was quite simply a place where life happens differently than any other city, and it’s a way of life that you’ll never live again. It’s true, nothing else will ever compare to my time spent in Eugene, but I am so lucky to say that the magic that is Eugene doesn’t just stay there. It follows the Ducks wherever they may go.

The other weekend, the Ducks came to my current residence for the Rose Bowl, and all of a sudden I was able to buy Duck gear at a kiosk 5 minutes from my apartment. My entire collegiate circle from the good ol’ school days in Eugene was in town, and we were going to watch our team play at a stadium close to my home. It was magical.

Spending time with this group of friends that became family to me leaves me quite literally caring less about anything else going on around me. I don’t have any artist dates with myself, and I even give up the gym for the weekend because this crew gets my all for the small period of time they are in town. It’s my own magical land of Eugene brought straight to my doorstep.

The second this group is together again, nothing has changed. It’s as if no time has passed since the last time we saw each other. We laugh about one another’s weird idiosyncrasies chat about where we want our lives to take us, and catch up on what happened to old boyfriends/girlfriends. It’s a family of friends who spent every waking moment together for 4 years. Then, always faster than you want it to be, real life approaches and we have to go back to our respective homes.

The depression that hits once my apartment is empty again and I have to go back to work is a low that comes in stronger than the last trip with these friends. I know that after some serious sleep and restoration of my life, I will be happy to get back into my routine of healthy eating, kickboxing and daily writing. It’s just such a tease to have these friends that became family to me over the years together again for a blissful few days, and then taken away for an unknowing amount of time.

I’ve learned that the only way to beat the low is to sleep, and to remind myself that these friends aren’t just temporary. I know that they’ve lasted this long, longer than most of my boyfriends, because of the family we created for each other during our 4 years of living away from home for the first time.

The Ducks Won The Day, and the memories that we made were unforgettable. Once again we’ve shown one another that we will always be this close, we will continue traveling to see one another, and nothings going to change what we’ve built. I am damn lucky to have friends that are family, and to have had a college experience like the one I had in the magical land of Eugene.

Alone Time

Spending time alone means putting aside everything else in your world. It means walking away from your trashy TV and saying no to your friends because you have a date with yourself.

Notice the limited time, if any, that you give to just you. Time that is not spent catching up with friends or responding to emails. We rarely allow ourselves to be alone with our true authentic self.

As social beings by nature, it can be difficult to walk away from our social lives for this quality time. Instead of simply doing it, we’ll go on facebook, and peruse social media sites for distraction. We’ll keep our cell phones at an arms reach to shield us from diving too far into our scary inner thoughts. Everything and everyone will always be impeding on our precious alone time if we don’t actively choose to place it into our lives.

A wonderful book called “The Artist’s Way” describes this time spent alone as an Artist Date. It’s a short period of time that you set aside to take yourself out on a date. It can be a museum, a photography exhibit, a walk in the park or a meditation class. It’s a date to re-center, time when you focus on just yourself and wherever you physically are in this world. It can be anything you want, but it’s a time you commit to yourself to fill your brain with images of the world around you.

If you’re thinking you don’t have time for this, you never will. Life is never going to slow down, or grant you hours upon end of free time. You must be the one to carve out that simple hour and fit it into your lifestyle. Whether it’s 30 minutes on your lunch break, or an hour on Sunday morning, this quality time is a crucial tool to getting to know yourself better. It opens the door for an immense amount of clarity and serenity in your life.

Artist Dates for me will always be a struggle. I am constantly battling the desire to spend my free time watching a mindless and unmistakably funny episode of FRIENDS, or debating between a good writing session and the gym. I have to force myself to remember the glowing feeling I get after a few hours at my favorite coffee shop, or after wandering around a unique antique store. These are the events that refresh my center. It’s this alone time that allows me to take on the day-to-day, deal with the crazy makers in my life and live life positively.

Alone time is a different kind of independence, one that is harder to learn the skill but easy to master once you’ve gotten the foundation. It’s a kind of independence and self-satisfaction that you've never felt before.

Helping Hands

Volunteering is a beautiful gift. I’ve always felt that if you are lucky enough to have 2 arms, 2 legs, some common sense and a good heart, then you should lend a helping hand to this world. I think volunteering and taking time out of your day to improve someone else’s life, is not only good karma, but a wonderful way to thank the universe for the gift of life. Today, the advertising agency I work allowed many people to give back to this world.

Saatchi & Saatchi LA gave our entire agency a mandatory volunteer day. All 300+employees had to sign up for a volunteer program. Programs ranged from cleaning beaches, to feeding the homeless, to building homes for underprivileged families.

I have always wanted to work in the field for Habitat for Humanity so I chose to build houses. When we were on site and divided into groups, another girl and I were chosen by one of the head supervisors to lead the construction portion of the project. I am still stunned by the amount of trust this supervisor had in us to work with his electric drill and wood staple gun. (Yes, I realize I do not know the real names for these tools.) This man would give me one demonstration of what to do with the electric drill, hand it over and move on with his assignment. It was amazing to have someone else’s complete confidence when working on a never been done before task.

As the day came to an end, I looked up and saw the porch fence that we built, the pieces of this home that we actually put together with our bare hands. And the best part of all, this exact home is going to house the memories of a wonderful family. Someone may have their first kiss while leaning on that railing, or a couple may wave goodbye to their kids driving off to college while sitting on that porch. Their memories will be countless, and I will never forget how beautiful it feels knowing that I had a helping hand.

It is now 6pm at night and I am fairly positive I could go straight to bed. This project has beaten me to my core. Muscles I didn’t even know I had are sore, my body is exhausted, my feet are throbbing, and I have never felt so satisfied.

I am so proud of the work my team and I have put into this community, and this is only after one day of volunteering! I will say this, that is not the last day I will do Habitat for Humanity. I will take another aching body if it means I can use the skills I have to help other people in this world.

Thanks Saatchi and Saatchi LA, you did a beautiful thing by allowing so many of us to give ourselves to the world today. 

Here to Help...

A fun short story inspired by the image below...

We’re here to help you with your day. If you like coffee, I like coffee, if it’s tea that your organic self is craving, then it’s tea that I will serve you. I’m your cup, your everyday cup, the cup that helps you get through the days of long working hours, stream of conscience writing, horrible bosses and no sleep. The cup that serves you your special headache tea, and the coffee that helps you wake up in the morning so that you are not a bitch to your coworkers. When it’s cold, I’ll keep your drink warm, when it’s hot I’ll do my best to keep the condensation to a minimum. Whatever it is you need for a kickstart to the day, or a wind down after a day of giving yourself to everyone around you, I’ll be here to keep your sanity. I’m here for you and only you. As your cup, I’ll be your daily reminder to do something for you everyday. Whether it’s 15 minutes of coffee time in the morning, or a simple cup of morning milk, I will not let you down.

Just maybe remember to give me a little sip every now and then and a bit of lovin, that’s all I ask and I’m here for you.