Feeling the need for some me time, and faced with a decision that quite literally had a clock running against it, I went on a hike yesterday. I drove myself up to the local mountains and spent the morning and afternoon amongst the trees, the earth, the birds and the wind. Anxious and unsure about what was brewing inside, I spent the entire hike up the mountain hustling, sweating, completely out of breath. It felt incredible to push myself up against the physical boundaries of my body. Once I got to the top, I decided the walk down was going to be leisure, a long meditation. It would be about observation, embracing, and allowing all that needed to come through to come through. I started right where I was, sat down to admire the stillness of the ocean from so high up and pulled out my journal. The hike up had been about the desire to sweat, but it was also a quest for clarity. A big business decision, investment was on my mind and I couldn’t see, or tell if this was what was right for me. Not feeling the words come through, I sat with the view before me. Feeling dis-ease about this decision, afraid that my lack of decision would ultimately be my decision and that had not felt good when executed in the past, still feeling unsettled and traumatized by it before. I looked down at Mother Earth.
Our choices reveal our intentions.
Every one of these were written on a rock deep in the ground. Almost unable to see them anymore the writing had faded over what must have been years, yet incredibly clear to me, these words fell out of the earth. I read them and understood them in this order.
Our choices reveal our intentions.
Funny how the Universe gives you signs, for me they’re never quite in the form of a direct answer, yet they always indirectly reminding me, giving me comfort or confidence in the answer I know they’re supporting.
Alright, I thought. Message received loud and clear, right? Somehow my decision still felt unmade in my body. Frustrated because how do words just fall out of the earth like this and I still not know in my body what the right way forward is? I began my slow, conscious, descent down the mountain. Birds chirping, trees rustling in the wind, animals scurrying away when hearing my footsteps, I stopped on a flat piece of the trail. The sun shining down on this one little spot between the trees, I closed my eyes and listened. I let myself meditate. I asked for answers, got still and then felt frustration again. I wanted more clarity Universe, couldn’t you just give me an answer directly!? I sat there what felt like eternity but was likely around 15 minutes, before moving onto my next stop. Stopping whenever my body wanted to stop throughout the whole trail. I stopped looking so abruptly for the answer and started simply enjoying the walk. Meditating on tree branches, watching the birds fly from treetop to treetop, feeling the wind in my air supporting me, I found a beautiful carved bench at the end of the trail, and laid down for some Breathwork. Crying, laughing, I opened my eyes under the trees. Butterfly number six flew by in that moment.
“There is no wrong answer.”
It was clear as day. There is no wrong answer. Smiling I sat up. I felt comforted, supported, loved. The decision itself still sat above me and when I allowed my mind to go there it would still cause unsettled discomfort from my insides out, but I recognize that I will allow it to come to fruition when it’s ready. And now I know, I feel, that no matter what, there is no wrong answer.
Funny how the Universe provides messages, and if we’re looking for them we can see them, find them and maybe even interrupt them exactly how we want to interpret them. We might even doubt what we have received, feel insecure about it, unsure that it’s what’s right and talk ourselves out of it, but to me, the most glorious piece of all is knowing that when the answer is meant to come to you, you will hear it loud and clear, clear as day.
The following day, which just happens to have been this morning, I went to a spiritual coffee and chat conversation with a group of like-minded ladies. At the end of the chat one of the women asked me how I got the courage to follow my dreams, to make such big changes in my life and to do so fearlessly. I smiled, feeling my insides light up with fire at the word fearlessly. I told her and the others the story of my hike yesterday, of hearing from my inner guidance, and then making a choice to listen to it, whatever that meant. I told them I didn’t believe in fearlessness, that I have yet to have met anyone that does not have fear, but rather I meet a lot of people who choose to move forward with fear in the backseat. I explained how for me it’s about the baby steps, it’s about being open to hearing from my inner voice, and then being courageous enough to listen to it, to act on it and to do so in whichever way felt right to me and for me in the moment.
Me in this moment knows the right decision for me and it makes me a little sad. I wanted the answer to be one way and it’s just not. I promised myself a long time ago I would always honor my intuition, and I haven’t had conflicting branches with what my intuition wants and what my conscious mind wants in awhile. I forgot that sometimes they’re not aligned and that it’s okay. It’s my journey to lean into TRUST and to trust that my intuition is telling me this direction for a reason.