Men Are Stupid. Women Are Crazy.

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By: Jenna Reiss

Story by: Papa Burt Altman

When a man of few words silences a table full of women who don’t stop talking, you listen. Because of his well-known one-liners full of wisdom that left you pondering well into the night, my grandfather knew the table would hush immediately upon his cue. He picks up his glass and says, “I will be writing a book one day titled: Men Are Stupid. Women Are Crazy.” Here’s a snippet from what I think would be in his book.

Men are Stupid because:

  • You really don’t pick up on any signs a woman gives you. Whether she’s trying to hit on you by just glancing your way from across the bar, or she’s upset and just wants you to ask what’s wrong, you can’t seem to get a clue and read the signals.
  • You are all convinced that a woman is driven by her need to get hitched. Yes, most of us out there do want a man to settle down with eventually, but right now, in the moment, she too might just want sex and nothing more. Inventing a scenario of where this is going and running away now, is just stupid.
  • You assume that we’re never in the mood for sex when usually all we really need is some good old-fashioned 4play (to get us started). Yes, we may not be in the mood ALL the time, but we’re there more frequently than you think. You just need to put in a little bit of effort
  • Everything you do is a competition. This means that the dumbest thing in the world will set you off, anger you or make you feel “less of a man”.
  • Most of you actually thinks that you have the right to hit on us. In your minds, hitting on us is such a huge compliment that it really doesn’t matter what is said or how it’s said. If we receive a compliment from you, we’re supposed to consider ourselves grateful.
  • You listen to your even dumber friends who have commitment phobia, mommy issues, or just a terrible dating track record. When taking advice from guys like these, anyone is bound to fail.

Women are crazy because:

  • When we like a guy more than they like us, we obsessively want contact with them. Then, the more they pull away, the crazier we get until a good friend is able to pull us in from our manic mannerisms. 
  • We are passive aggressive. When we send a text message, there generally is hidden meaning. Therefore, we get crazy trying to understand what your texts actually mean, and don’t believe anyone when we’re told that they mean exactly what they say.
  • We have too many hormones once a month.
  • Sometimes we just want to cry. It won’t even be because we are PMSing, we’ll just feel emotional, and when we see a child getting bullied on Full House, yes, we will get a little misty.
  • We listen to our even crazier friends who are marriage obsessed, or the needy relationship type. Then when we’re texting a guy who clearly is just not that into us, we refuse to accept his lack of interest because we’ve been told that he’s probably just busy, with his mom whose in town, or he’s just so into us that he can’t even put it into words.