You are enough.

Photographer/credit unknown?

Photographer/credit unknown?

What if you considered being enough? What if today you chose to see that in everything you do, in all that you create, in all that you accomplish and fail at, you are enough? And what if, being enough was your default rather than the life boat? What might that make possible for you?

When you lack self-love you choose, instinctually to believe the dark thoughts before the good ones. Following the instinct of the dark path happens so fast you almost don’t realize the good thoughts were ever even there to consider.  This happens because you lack self-love. This happens because there are still parts of your body that make you feel green with envy, things you want, wounds, pain you feel that gets triggered. You must choose to get through the dark thoughts. Choose to not be captured by feelings of lacking, and instead consider the option of being enough. Just exactly as you are, today in this very moment, consider being enough.

I had a breakdown the other night. I still feel really good about how I moved through this breakdown, it only took about 30 minutes of my day, and I was able to let it go and continue on rather seamlessly, but it was a breakdown nonetheless. I’ve been working on this book proposal for 9 months now, actively writing the book at the same time for the last 3 years, and through it all I have not once felt like I was going crazy. It always felt like a lot of work. It always felt big, sometimes heavy, sometimes too much, but it never once made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Until the other night. The feeling washed over me like I had never experienced. I was stuck on finding a good word, a solid, all capturing word for this powerful section of my book. Something to describe this process I feel so passionate about and as I scoured through theseurs.com, and racked my fiance’s brain, I started to cry. 

The feeling hit me so fast. What if I couldn’t come up with this word, was my book even worth writing if I couldn’t describe this? What does this say about me as a writer if I, the writer, couldn’t find the word for this? Did I waste the last 3 years of my life writing something that I can’t even describe? Were my words even original, did they matter? Was my book even worth it? The spiral was big, dark and as they almost always are all consuming. In that moment I decided to just stop. I looked out the window, and shook my head. Stop it I told myself. You know why you’re doing this, you’re doing this because you have to. Stop succumbing to self-doubt spirals I said to myself, you know your words, your story, your meditations are impactful. What’s more is that you have to do this because your body wants to get this out, however that happens, and whatever that means, your body wants this out and into the world so just stop it.

And truly just like that, I locked eyes with my fiance, took a few deep breaths, and started scrolling through the thesaurus again. 

Consider this option today :: You are enough. When in doubt, you are enough. When confused, consider your thoughts as they stand, your direction, your clarity in this moment, is enough. When shameful, consider you, just exactly as you are, enough. You are enough. Your words matter, so stop, breathe, cut off the dark thoughts and love yourself into believing, feeling that you dear friends, are enough. 


It always comes back to loving YOU more

If you are not getting something you desire, if you are feeling stuck in an area of your life, the way through this block comes back to either that experience, thing was not meant to be yours; or; you need to love yourself more. Love the parts of you that might have been left behind somewhere along the way, love yourself enough that you innately believe in your worth, and be willing to see this let-down differently as a result.

I have been disappointed time and time again in my life. Whether it was a disappointment due to expectations that I had, or it was a disappointment because I allowed this experience to mean that I was no longer worthy of what I didn’t receive, I can draw a through line for almost every disappointment back to one of these two moments.

Let’s dive into an example, there was an opportunity on the table for me to work with this extremely exclusive company. It would have meant I was the weekly teacher for world-class executives, CEO’s, celebrities and more. I developed a pitch, I had the meetings, it went great, it was happening. Suddenly out of nowhere they didn’t get back to me. They stopped responding and I soon discovered that a good friend, colleague and fellow teacher of mine had instead been given the position. I was crushed. Months went by and I could not let my disappointment go. I couldn’t seem to drop my expectations that I had held. I made this disappointment about my worth as a teacher.

A year later, and yes it took me a whole year, I finally had light shine and I saw it clear as ever. This experience not only was never mine, never meant for me, I had also developed an entire story in my head around the place in my heart that had been most hurt by this. This wound inside me left me with lack of self-love, and I was meant to love myself deeper as a result of this disappointment instead of tear myself up over it. It was only when I saw that this experience was never meant for me to begin with, accepted that and let this truth soften my heart, that I could start filling in the story of worthiness I had created with my own love and belonging. I immediately felt a shift in my heart. In breathwork I could see the hole left by expectations lost and started filling it up with my own love. I  could release my story of not being worthy of teaching, guiding these upper class individuals, and I let love win within me. My whole body softened, and my heart felt thrilled for the space this disappointment had created in my life for other opportunities that are meant for me.

When you are creating a story about your disappointments, your failures, love yourself. When you are berating yourself for a seemingly setback, ask yourself if this was ever truly meant to be yours, and then love yourself. When you are doubting your worth, questioning your belonging, love yourself in the place inside you that needs it most. Lay down for breathwork, ask for guidance to call in more love. Watch that love fill you, soften you and ultimately open you to a whole lot more! I find almost everything comes back to self-love. It’s layer after layer of learning to love yourself deeper. Where in your life today can you choose to see a disappointment as an opportunity to love yourself more fully?



Riding the Fear of Change with Equanimity

We don’t want to be Left Behind.

Being left behind seems to be a feeling that we all experience no matter the phase of life we’re in. Clients of mine feel left behind because they’re in their 30’s and don’t have their soul partner. Clients who are in their 60’s feel left behind because they only recently found healing and began healing from childhood experiences. Clients who have entered retirement stage feel left behind because the work force continues on without them, or because their saying goodbye to their parents. Friends who are accelerating in their careers feel left behind because they don’t yet have babies. Clients and friends who have gotten married, and are now going through a divorce feel left behind because they’re not happily married with kids already. I too have felt beholden to the feelings of being left behind.

There are phases, waves of life that we go through. We make new friends, we get settled in the ways in which this person, or group have impacted us, and then someone makes a big life choice and moves on. It’s not always about hurt, breakup or hostility, it’s the simple evolution of change. Old friends leave our life for unexpected, and unknown reasons. They move, they travel, they meet someone else and something else becomes their priority, and life paths continue moving in these vastly different directions. It doesn’t mean you love one another any less, and it doesn’t mean that the paths won’t cross again, it just means for this moment in time you are not at an intersection together. Sometimes the breakups, the change is hostile and the devastation hurts far more than we would ever have expected. People get married, live in new states, build families, make new friends, buy houses, get divorced, break-up, meet someone new.

The only thing that is ever constant is change.

Change and evolution are the constant we can depend on.

The Buddhist lineage lives by a belief system that life is suffering. This is one of the Four Noble Truths. My interpretation of this belief is rooted in the idea that pain and suffering are bound to happen and it is our choice how we work with this. When we can embrace this change as truth, we’re naturally more inclined and able to ride the waves of pain and suffering with equanimity. This way of life is less about trying to remain calm and unaffected, and more about opening to our own understanding of pain, of our healing journey. It’s also about opening to not understanding our journey’s and allowing self to ride it through with equanimity. For those of us who are sensitive beings, this feels like the North Star.

To ride through the waves of change with equanimity feels like a constant effort for me. I’ve been knocked off my feet, double over by darkness and pain, and troubled by the unknown like every human being on this planet, more times than I can count. And I will never stop trying to ride my emotions through with equanimity, never let the fears and feelings of being left behind overtake me. They don't own me. They’re simply messages, information for me to go deeper. An opportunity  for me to wake up each and everyday and face them with fortune and belief that my blooming and growth is inevitable.

When we ride the waves of change, the pain, the suffering, the feelings of being left behind with equanimity not only are we experiencing the depths of emotion, but we’re allowing these emotions to give us information about what’s next. And all while resisting the temptation to become overcome with comparison syndrome. And what if instead of living in social media life, we instead honored and claimed the moments we’re feeling stuck in comparison, and allowed ourselves to move through with presence, trust and an inner knowing that we’re on exactly the path we’re meant to be on. We can’t know where it all is going to lead, but trusting in the process allows the left behind feelings to be held with love without overtaking us. It allows change to naturally occur as it is intended without turning our worlds upside down.

The reality is some experiences, some emotions are going to overtake us. Some traumas are so big there is nothing that we can do but feel them, be in them and allow the rocking to occur. The desired way of being happens once that rocking has begun to slow. Once you can see through the fog a bit, that is when we become conscious enough to see our choice of riding with equanimity. That is when we have the choice of presence, of letting ourselves be changed by evolution. Evolving with equanimity is finding your way through the change for yourself, for your loved ones, for your world, time and time again.

From the outside looking in...

I’m taking an online class for my business, as I look to create better systems, structure and experiences so I can best serve each and every one of you. In this program we were given an assignment to email twenty people that we love and trust, and ask them what they perceived, from the outside looking in, was our superpower. TWENTY people!? That was my reaction, it simply felt like too much. I couldn’t ask that many people to spend time in their day complimenting me. The discomfort I felt was likely expected and part of the reason this assignment was there to begin with. So I went ahead and pressed send on this email. Over the next few days these emails came through from people I know deeply well, people I trust with my everything, people expressing these thoughts, these notions they have from the outside looking in at me. Every time an email came through, I felt my heart might explode. One by one, love was passed through the internet to me. Each person spent their precious time writing up their understandings about me, who I am as person, and had the willingness and bravery to send it my way. With each expression, I would smile, hold my heart, sometimes even letting a tear fall. Love, upon love, upon love. I suddenly felt stronger, I felt more capable of creating these experiences I want to create. I felt more held than I think I have ever felt before. Everyone deserves this overwhelming abundance of love I said to my partner. Every single person.

As the emails slowed down, I realized why this felt so good. It has nothing to do with attention, but rather the complete feeling of being seen. For a long time now I’ve been filling myself up with my own love. I’ve held my wounds, my triggers in high regard, created space for them to be felt, to heal, and I’ve loved myself through each and every step. I have loved and honored myself through it. I believe that is why my heart was able to be so filled by this exercise, because it was already full on my love, so this love in my life externally simply complimented everything I was already feeling.

Give yourself the gift of being seen. Being heard. And as you’re bravely standing in your YOU-ness, fill yourself up with your own love so much that no outside reaction actually matters. Instead, you are seen, you are heard because you support you standing up there. That’s when others begin to truly see you. And if you’re standing there watching someone else do the same, maybe, just maybe, you can express the beauty that you see and feel from the outside looking in for them. Let your wounds flow out of you from love, with love so another can experience the fullness of being seen, being loved.

Express yourself. Express your love. Express the unspoken.




Finding Love for the Body You Have.

Our bodies are a vessel for how we live this life. Our bodies are a sacred space simply by existing inn the seat it’s sitting in, and with the shape the air takes around you. Our bodies are the ultimate sacred space. How many of you are treating it as such? How many of you practice gratitude in the form of spirituality, practice, sweat or nourishment for your body? And how much of your daily life is built on a foundation of this deep gratitude for the ultimate sacred space?  

Pinterest Artist  here

Pinterest Artist here

Our hands help us communicate, exaggerate, nourish, feed us. Our legs hold us up, bring us from place to place with ease, support us as we sweat and ground into this earth. And then there are our insides, all that is happening inside of us that we cannot see. All that is happening simply to support us in living our best, high functioning life. Every limb, every organ has it’s function. 

We live our life focused on goals, dreams, what we want to create. We live day in and day out with our wounds, our heartaches, our worries. And yet how much of your day do you spend feeling gratitude for your body? (And if you’re someone who does, I would love to hear from you about your rituals, experiences, tools in working with this.) I know for me, it absolutely has not been enough.

Recently I heard one of those stories where a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend had been in an accident. This distant soul whom I’ve never met went to work one day worried about the normal worries of life, busyness, bills, schoolwork. He had his health his fully functioning body, expecting to leave that night and return to his children, run around the baseball field that weekend, and enjoy life with his family. The accident took this away from him, he was badly injured, luckily still alive, yet life will return to a new kind of normal after this accident. I’ve had a client who truly could not see the beautiful body that she owned. She knew there was an opportunity for more love, yet it was a daily struggle for her to love what she did have while at the same time feeling sick and tired of these self-sabotaging feelings taking up brain space in her mind, in her body. Body-shaming for her was easier than gratitude and love. Hating her ultimate sacred space was habit, second nature making the depth of gratitude truly f foreign. Back in December I injured myself and have spent the last 3 months in Physical Therapy rehabbing a simple limb that has wrecked havoc on how I walk, get places, work out and more.

Self-love has many layers.

You learn how to love something about yourself one day, and one layer feels healed, and then a new one shows up thereafter. You learn to love yourself in a new role, in a new position, and then a new opportunity to check into your feelings of worthiness pops up. The layers of loving ourselves are endless, and as we live each day we have a new opportunity to feed, open to  and spread that love. A huge part of our life is built around having the functioning of our bodies, of our health. And no matter where you fall on the spectrum of this, no matter your health situation, or journey with your body, I’m sure there is an o opportunity to call in a little more love and gratitude for the ultimate sacred space that carries you throughout this life, your body. 

It feels almost imperative at this point to find ways to celebrate our bodies, our ultimate sacred space. If you’d like a little support today here are some ways you can start a  practice of daily body-loving, or bring this in however feels right to you. 

  • First and foremost make a decision to stop talking badly about you and your body. For this to work, make the mindset shift that  you  are done letting body-shaming, or negative body thoughts take up space in your brain. And overtime you notice your mind falling there you instead switch your language replacing it with something you l love or are grateful for. For example, you’re getting dressed in the mirror and you see an extra role or muffin-top, the thought pops in quickly, and you kindly, gently, let the thought go, and replace it with something you are grateful for about your body.

  • Throughout your day, close your eyes, how does your body feel in this moment? What does it feel like to live in your body? Are there aches and pains that have frustrated you, or brought you a new kind of experience living in this body? And are there ways you can appreciate these pains, these scars for what they have opened for you? If not, simply identify them, say hello to them, and then return to calling in something  you are grateful for about your body.

  • Note on Gratitudes ::  They can be as simple as :: I am grateful to have a body. I am grateful to have the ability to walk myself from my car to my job, or grateful to be able to walk hand in hand with my child. Gratitudes do not have to be complex, but they can be something you believe in.

  • Take one hand and run it down each arm slowly, feeling the pressure, the touch of you on you. Do the same thing for each leg. As you roll across each body part say thank you to them for their function, for what they do. Let the Thank you be said out loud, exclaimed, felt.  Embody the feeling the gratitude. 

No matter what our bodies look like today, no matter what they feel like, no matter what injuries, or body parts you do or don’t have, we must find a way to embody the depth of gratitude and love for the body that we do have. And there is always an opportunity to call in more, deeper love. Your invitation here is to look yourself in the mirror this week and love the human staring back at you just a little more deeply than you did yesterday.

Today’s release coming through poetry.

::

Be still.

Be still my shaken breath.

Be still my stolen glances.

Be still my weary heart.

Be still my tear-soaked eyes for you can rest knowing that your emotions are your superpower.

::

We spend so much time treading water.

So much time dodging, jumping over waves, looking around us to see what needs to be avoided.

We spend so much time pretending not to see the beauty on the ocean floor that we forget just how much we have always loved the feeling of water blowing through our hair.

We forget how much we’ve loved the cleansing water rings left behind by our bodies.

We spend so much time in our fear, we forget that we’ve actually always loved to swim.

::

What good is a half-lite life?

If all the world comes down to is sitting in a bed as you breathe your last breath while everyone you have ever lived life with has left you behind and everyone that is left that you love is someone you’ve created, what good is a half-lite life?

No. I will find the miracle in the mundane. I will find the torch, create the torch if I must and walk the path through a full-lite life. I will lay in that bed one day with my heart bleeding love, saying goodbye to my human vessel, looking back with a smile radiating within because my life was lite many times over.

::

By me.

Embracing Inner Light AND Dark for Whole-Hearted Living

You are light, and you are dark. You have light in you, and you also have dark in you. Both are equally as important to learn from. Both are equally as important to get to know, to work with, and to use as guidance forward.

You are innately made up of light, this true, magnifying light that lives inside of you, and all around you. A light that we can call forward, ask for support from. A light we can ask to be purified with, a light that can guide us, that can drive us. And you are also innately made up of dark, of your shadow. The parts of you that feel shame, the parts of you that feel fear, disappointment, disbelief. Your shadow are the parts we typically wish to hide. The parts we feel a semblance of embarrassment from not because they’re embarrassing as much as because we’re afraid, or unsure of what embracing our shadow, our darkness might look like.

What if today, in this moment, you decided to wholeheartedly embrace all versions of you? What if today you decided to ditch the labels, ditch the understanding you have previous had and open to new possibilities? What if you decided to simply be with all that you are, as you are? No semblance of understanding from a single other person needed because the only understanding required for your wholehearted living is your own. If you were fully to embrace all versions of you today, in this moment, what would that look like? Is there a big hug, a deep breath, a deep thank you you’re in need of giving you? Maybe wholehearted self-acceptance comes from so deep within we can relate the feeling to true inner peace. Maybe giving yourself that inner peace is enough to spark the trigger of support you need from you.

Choosing to believe in ourselves is as simple and as complicated as that. We must make the choice to believe in ourselves if we’re going to manifest all that we desire. We must choose to believe in ourselves if we’re going to call in sacred love, sacred family, sacred work. We must choose to believe in ourselves over any label, over any outside perspective, opinion, or circumstance. We must choose to believe in the Universe, in something greater, bigger than us that is lighting the path for us. We must choose to believe in our light and in our dark so we can use them both to guide us forward. We must choose this belief and allow this belief to create the plan beyond that.

Some thoughts….

Write down all that you desire for this year as though it is already happening. Make your vision board, be specific about what you’re calling in. Listen to meditations to calm the chatter telling you you can’t, it’s not possible, I’m afraid, but what if, what if, what if. Work out and picture that desire so clearly in your head it’s hard to tell that it’s even a vision vs. reality. Write down your dream team of doctors, support systems that if money weren’t an issue you would want to spend on to support you. A therapist. A business Coach. A healer. A writing Coach. An acupuncturist. Physical Therapy. Personal Trainer. A Breathwork Coach. The list could be endless. Take a look at that list time and time again, is there one of those individuals that you see could really support your steps forward in believing in the life you want to be creating?

Creating the life we desire, the life we dream of begins with believing in oneself. To believe in oneself, we must acknowledge, accept and embrace all versions of who we are. Our light and our dark. They are a part of us, and we can use them both to guide us forward, to manifest all that we desire in life. Embrace your light. Embrace your dark and allow wholehearted living to be more than just a dream or a vision, let it become your reality.

On a separate but related note…

The idea of embracing our light and our darkness came from a breathwork vision I had. In this vision I had the sudden inner realization that there is no difference between the two. The light within me merged with my own darkness and created a new color, a color I could not quite see but felt. It was peaceful. The light/dark swirl was all consuming. It flowed through my veins like blood, like water feeding me, nourishing me from the inside out. There was a peaceful explosion above my head that allowed the energy to shoot through my body, out my feet rooting me into the earth. The light/dark swirl told me that embracing the darkness was about allowing the darkness that I don’t understand to be there, allowing myself to not understand it and allowing myself to be immersed by it all. We are all light and we are all dark, and there is no difference between them.

5 Tips for a Waste-Free Grocery Trip - Guest Blog Post

Guest blog post by: Salima Mangalji of Live Fully with Salima

I never considered myself an avid outdoors woman. It was not easy to access good hiking or the beach when I lived on the East Coast. But when I moved out to LA, I traded out my winter coat for a bathing suit and began surfing! I developed a deep appreciation and love for being in the water, feeling like I was part of something bigger than myself (having seals, sting rays, fish, and dolphins swimming nearby did not hurt either!). But one thing I began to notice was a prevalence of plastics littering the beach and the water. This devotion to the ocean (rhymez) combined with my training in nutrition led me to explore the impact of plastics on the environment and our bodies.

There is a growing garbage patch the size of Texas in the Pacific Ocean primarily made of plastics and refuse from North America and Asia. Out of sight should not mean out of mind! Plastic does not decompose, but rather breaks down into very small pieces that fish can eat. Then we eat the fish that ate the plastic. Research shows that plastic can act as an endocrine disrupter in our bodies and can result in estrogen and other hormone imbalances and toxicity in the body. We have control over what we are buying, and we can reduce our exposure to BPA and DEHP which are widely used in plastic products and consumer food packaging.

This year I committed to doing these 5 things to reduce my reliance on plastic and reduce food waste at the grocery store, farmer’s market, and the drug store:

  1. Buy nuts, flours, beans, and grains from bulk bins at the grocery store or farmer’s market. This way, you are reducing your use of plastic bags and packaging. In most grocery stores, you can bring in your own jars and containers to fill with what you need.

  2. Use reusable bags to eliminate single use plastics. You can buy cloth or hemp produce bags online here to put your fresh produce in as well.

  3. Buy soap concentrate like Dr. Bronners to re-fill and reuse your hand soap, dishwasher, and cleaning product containers.

  4. Make a grocery/meal plan list to ensure that you have a plan for all the produce you are buying to reduce your food waste. Keep your reusable bags in the car for any impromptu shopping trips.

  5. I use beeswax wraps that I found online to use instead of foil or plastic wrap when I am storing food in the fridge. You can rinse the wraps when you are done, and then save them for the next time. I like these by Abeego.

Life isn’t perfect, but we can take these steps to actually make a difference not only in our lives, but for others, the plants, the animals, and the planet.

About Salima: Salima is a holistic nutritionist supporting those living their lives in a hustle whether it be at school, at home, or in business. With hormone support, stress-relieving techniques, and gentle nutrition, Salima works to help her clients find balance in health to help them be their best selves in what matters most to them.

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The Dreaded Biological Clock

GUEST BLOG POST BY: WHITNEY STREET WELLNESS

The old fairytale has been rewritten. Prince Charming is a thing of the past as women have become the heroes of their own stories. We are building highly successful careers, making our own money, and becoming the champion of our own lives. It’s a long time coming that women thrive in the workplace, and although there is still a ways to go, so much progress has been made. But there is ultimately one thing we cannot change, and that is our biological clock. At some point, we do have to stop and consider if we want a family and when that fits into our lives. I am not suggesting we cannot or should not have it all, but simply that there is need for pause and planning. Working as a nurse in the field of fertility, I have seen far too many patients in their late 30s and 40s who were shocked to find their fertility had diminished. With advances in modern medicine, there are plenty of options to preserve fertility if you find yourself not ready to start the parenting thing just yet.   Here are a few things you can look into if you feel the internal clock ticking:

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1. Have your OBGYN check your fertility. I think this should be a standard part of health care. Women in their 20s should start getting ultrasounds with their pap smears. An ultrasound performed vaginally can look at the number of eggs in your ovaries. Counting eggs is one simple measure of fertility that is minimally invasive, quick, and generally painless. This gives you a snapshot of your fertility and can let you know if more testing is needed. Some women have plenty of eggs, while others have fewer. Knowing which category you fall in can help you plan your future.

2. Freeze your eggs. Even if you have a lot of eggs, the quality of those eggs declines as you age. If you are in your mid 30s and do not see yourself getting pregnant in the next couple of years, it might be a good idea to see a fertility specialist. The specialist can discuss the ins and outs of egg freezing and if this is the right fit for you. Freezing eggs gives you an insurance plan, so you have the option of putting parenting on the back burner as you pursue other things. Keep in mind, seeing a specialist does not mean you have to move forward, it just gives you more information.  And information is power.

3. Freeze embryos.  Freezing eggs is a great option for many women, but unfortunately the quality of those eggs is not apparent until they are made into an embryo by combining them with sperm. Women in their 40s (where the proportion of normal eggs is lower), those in same sex relationships or long term relationships (who aren’t quite ready to be pregnant) may want to consider this. If you want greater reassurance than freezing eggs alone can give you, you can consider creating and freezing embryos.  

4. Get pregnant.  This one may freak you out, in which case you can stop reading and revisit the options listed above. But if you have come to that point in your life where you feel you are ready to be a mom this is something you can look into. I have been at that point in life where I felt like a switch flipped and I was ready to be pregnant. This feeling was both physical and emotional and something I could not put aside. Even if you have not found the right partner, donor sperm can be an option. This is a huge decision with many factors to consider, but if you feel that undeniable drive to be a mother, you should not have to deny yourself that longing.

Your fertility should be something you play an active role in. Finding out more information about your body can be scary, but the sooner you do it, the more time you will have to make the right decisions for you. You are the only one who knows what is best for your body, so seek more information to ensure you make informed decisions that give you the greatest opportunity to achieve your future goals and wants. So go ahead, rewrite the fairytale and stop time while you’re at it too.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON FERTILITY, WELLNESS COACHING BY WHITNEY STREET, CHECK OUT WHITNEYSTREETWELLNESS.COM

You are not alone

Some words of love if you’re feeling less than jolly this holiday season...

My holiday’s 5 years ago and every year before that were incredible. I never understood the mentality of The Grinch because I hadn’t experienced anything that had truly hindered this spirit. I had experienced heartbreak, and I had certainly had my fair share  of lessons, pain and turmoil, but not to the depth that 5 years ago brought me. It wasn’t until then that I understood this time of year being nothing but full reminders of our pain, sorrow, abandonment, grief and so much more. I’m saying this because I hope that this may act as a reminder that you are not alone. It’s to remind you that if this holiday season has been, and continues to be difficult for you, for your heart, you should know you are  far, very far, North Pole far, from being alone. If you are in the process of parsing out pain, of feeling your sadness, your sorrow, it’s okay. Hold yourself tight. Take a long bath. Walk on the beach. Ask a friend or a loved one for a hug. None of these things will make it better, but you will be reminding your body that you are loved. If you’re ready, reflect on the pain of your trauma, of your year. Emotions, the pain has to come up in order to make their way out. And out they will come, just doesn’t always fit within our expected timeline. But they will come out eventually, holiday’s will be fun, joyful even, again. And if you are not in this grieving place, may you offer a huge to a stranger, a friend of a friend. May you reach out because we never know what one has gone through to get to where they  are today, and these kind gestures can go a long way for a grieving heart.

All that matters is LOVE.

At the end of our life, we lose function of our bodies as we have known them. We lose we our basic motor functions. We lose our ability to communicate like we have known, and we lose our ability to interact with the world the only way we have known how. Our society has put bountiful amounts of importance on verbal communication, we’re mad when someone doesn’t understand us, when we’re inconvenienced by someone else’s cultural backgrounds and can’t communicate clearly, or aren’t understood or understanding someone else. Language is an exceptionally powerful tool, and as a writer, a healer, an analytical being, and mostly, a talker, I myself love the power of words. Yet as time goes on, we completely lose this skill, we return back to younger ages of development, and eventually we also love our movement, and control of the most basic of functions.

So if everything we learn, if our communication, the main tool we use for connection, our ability to hug one another, our memories fade away with time, all that we are left with in  our final days is our love. We’re left with love.

As I sat at the bedside table of my dying grandmother, I felt the light pitter patter of her heart beating, and the small, and the soft inhales and exhales of her body moving. Every few minutes she would open her eyes, sometimes it would be soft, but mostly it would be a full body jolt as she opened her eyes only to see that she was still on this earth.

When she would look at me, every now and then I’d see, feel a recognition cross over her face. I held her hand lovingly between both of mine, and would tell her how much I loved her. My grandma, like most people I suppose, never liked talking about death, she never liked accepting her aging self, so we never talked much about what would happen next, we always just enjoyed the moments we had together. As I sat there, I wanted to tell her how wonderful our life had been together, how much better my life has been because she’s been in it. But I don’t, she wouldn’t want to hear that, it was too much of an acceptance of what was happening next. So instead I just tell her I love her.

LOVE, when the word leaves my mouth I swear I could see her comprehending it, and ever so slightly, she squeezed my hand. We sit there looking at one another for another few moments before her eyes drift closed again, a heavy breathe escaping her lips telling me that she’s fallen back asleep, she’s gone back to the other world.

She’s happy in this other world I tell myself, she’s with grandpa now, she’s with her best friend Eleanor. I wonder if they’re holding each other, smiling, laughing, happy to be together again. I look at my grandma breathing in this world but drifted into the other, and think about how small she looks. This whole life my grandma has lived. Married for more than 60 years to a man who was in the War, a man she didn’t love as she walked down the aisle, yet grew to love more than life itself. A family history filled with anti-semitism, pain, the great depression.Two grown kids, five grandchildren. So much happened in her lifetime, so much love, loss, happiness, and growth. So much to worry about in the day-to-day of life, and so much to do, yet here she is, lying in this bed at the end of it all, crossing between two worlds and all that really matters is love.

The only word she responds to is when I tell her I love her. The only thing that matters in her days are the visits from the people she loved, the people that love her. The only thing she is left with is the language of love, the love in her big, beautiful heart, and the love she is leaving this world, and entering the next with.

So, life through love.

Let it all be.

Let it all go.

Let love thrive.

Chase your dreams driven by love.

Break through the fear with unconditional love.

Heal with love.

Feel uninhibiting fear and let love reign.

All that matters is love.

So may you life through love in every moment of everyday.

The Last Moments...

Why is it that you never know when a moment in time, something that’s become a regular part of your life, is going to be a last moment?

Some things you get to say goodbye to. Some things make it clear that you’re on your last with them, and you have a moment in which you get to bid farewell. Like when you’re traveling and you’re saying goodbye to a city you’ve spent a few days in, you have a flight and as you’re packing you’re saying your goodbyes to that city. Or when you’re moving out of an apartment, and you’re able to look around you, consciously watching as the final chapter of this last life closes and you move on to the next. Or when you have a clean breakup with a loved one and you both look at each other, seeing love in one another’s eyes and you lean in, kissing each other for the last time.

When we get to say goodbye, when we get to honor the finality of such profound moments it creates opportunity for seamless closure as you close one door and look towards the next. This type of goodbye, although sadness may exist in the moment, and  we may mourn the loss, the changing of the tides, it can also result in a sense of wild freedom in the allowance of the time needed to process and move forward.

Other lasts you don’t get to choose and it’s bewildering to me as to why some lasts we are aware of and others we aren’t? Why are the lasts that we don’t anticipate often so much more difficult to heal?

Why don’t we typically remember the last...

kiss with a significant, soul-shaking romantic partner?

family dinners with everyone there?

holiday celebration filled with traditions and all the right people in the room?

words from grandparents, ex-lovers, family members, departed ones, loved ones?

gathering at a childhood home?

party in our old college apartment, or home?

single girl/guy night we had before settling down?

happy moment before a painful tragedy?

laugh we had with an long-lost, old friend?

Why don’t we typically remember these last significant moments?

Although I considered researching the science behind our brains, memories, and understanding what stays with us and what doesn’t, the more I ask this question, the more rhetorical it feels. It’s not about the why as much as it is creating the space for questioning. It’s not about the answer as much as it is processing strong emotion, and building a container for pain to be felt.

Treat every moment like it’s the last. Have an awareness of every moment, grand, and mundane. Not drenched in melancholy but rather an allowance for every moment with those that we love to burst at the seams with love. If we make the choice to consciously be aware of the kiss with our partners as they walk out the door for work, saying out loud, I love you, feeling inside the power of the kiss rather than the monotony of the routine, maybe this can soften the pain of the lasts we don’t remember. Maybe by allowing love to drive each and everyone of these moments we are treating like the last, we can imprint the everlasting love on our minds, our bodies and even if it’s not the last, when the day comes that that act is no longer with us, we are able to remember one of those powerful love-bursting moments and use it as fuel to move us forward.

Love always fuels us forward. No matter the chapter we’ve said goodbye to or are about to enter, live fully so that we may treat every moment like it is the last and let bursting-love be forever.

Being a good person.

I’d like to think of myself as a fairly good person. I’d like to think that throughout the time I’ve been alive on this planet I’ve been fairly awake, making fairly conscious decisions rooted in a basic value system that my mother helped instill in me at a young age. I also of course know I’ve hurt people. I think it’s safe to generally say those actions were never acted upon from a cruel place where my intention was to hurt another, although even as I type that I can feel the defensiveness surfacing in my body. When it comes to acts of hate, do our intentions really matter?

In light of what’s been going on in our world culturally, I’ve been pushing myself to take a look at a deeper connection with self. I’ve been looking at how this motto of mine, Choose Love, has come to mean so much to me, and how in reflecting on my life, how I might not have always acted from this place. I’ve never been a hateful person and therefore I never saw any old actions as acts  of hate. Yet in looking back I know there are some people that deserve an apology from me. There are some people who I hurt because I myself was hiding, and there are some people I hurt because I was following my heart. Whether my perspective now leans more towards the, I was young, immature, and didn’t realize what I was doing, I know I have caused pain for some people and that my intentions were not felt from their side, and therefore, don’t entirely matter.

My memories of my childhood are completely wrapped up in being myself. I see now that what I remember as being myself was something that others weren’t quite comfortable with themselves in so it created a certain status for me. I simply  remember not caring what others thought of me, I remember not caring who talked to me or who didn’t, but rather, given my extreme like of people, just enjoyed the socialability of middle school. This friend of mine told me it was true for elementary school too, and I couldn’t help but feel like she was telling somebody elses story. Although who is to say she wasn’t inserting some of her own bias, I do know that during that time of innocence, I used my comfortability with people, my social skills, and unique for the age we were, extroverted nature to have fun. I remember fun being my number one priority, no matter what we were doing. My best friend and I used to play by this magical grandmother willow tree making potions out of the dirt, we would play dress-up with my mothers many, many trunks of fun dress-up clothes and create entire world’s in which we were high-schoolers, school teachers, or fight over who was the Blonde Spice Girl. Looking back, my desire for laughs were definitely used as something to stand behind.

I only remember his first name Timmy. Timmy was a couple years younger than us, and a small for his size type of kid with big teeth. We called him Timmy the Tooth, and we were relentless. I remember we would play hide and seek with Timmy, and we’d call out his name on the soccer field, searching for Timmy the Tooth. We chased him chanting this name. When he would hear us he would run away with his hands over his ears. The weird thing is I remember genuinely liking Timmy, and thinking that Timmy must like the attention of the older girls. Cleary I was justifying my behavior to myself. As an adult I still don’t think I was aware I was torturing him, and I know I owe Timmy an apology. I hide behind my desire to laugh, to make others laugh at your expense. I hid behind my own comfortability with who I was by picking on you, mocking you, and trying to make others laugh because it felt good to make others laugh. I’m sorry Timmy. I’m deeply sorry for leaning on hate in every way.

I’d like to think I’m a good person today. Someone who stands up for what she believes in, someone who stands up for others, who supports, heals and helps others however I possibly can. I know this doesn’t erase the ways in which I acted as a kid, but I do know that this is where we learn how to choose love over hate. I do know this is what I can teach my children, and maybe one day they will be braver than I was and stand up for value, for kindness and for what is right. I know that we can get really lost along the way and the only thing to do is to keep trying to right it, to right ourselves.



Bringing Mindfulness to the Bossladies Conference

When the founder of Bossladies Chelsea and I first met, I knew we were in for some future friend dates with long conversation over tea. And I was mostly right, except it’s sometimes tea, sometimes coffee, and more often wine. We can talk for hours. It’s not often you connect with someone in adulthood who on your first friend date together you laugh, you cry, and you dream together all in the first 5 hours. The best part is, all this happened after Chelsea and I had met, after she asked me to lead a meditation at her first ever Bossladies conference. The reason this is the best part to me is because Chelsea and I knew right away that sparks were flying. We had some magic to discuss, magic to share between us, and magic to share with the world.

Bossladies has a successful women’s magazine featuring women that are changing the world, a massive social media following, sold out co-working sessions and new groups launching all over the world. Women everywhere are intrigued by this simple, inquisitive, and powerful brand Chelsea has created. So, when we talked about her vision for her first ever conference and she mentioned her energetic intentions, I wanted to be a part of it.

The day of the conference was beautiful. An hour past Malibu, at a beautiful home in the canyons, ~100 women gathered together for a day of inspiration, connection, and authentic networking. As I met and hugged (because hand shaking is too formal for this group), fellow women creators from designers, to artists, and curators a plenty, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the work we’re here to do on this planet.

We sat through a day of speakers who had created business in their garages, who had been turned down time and time again by white, male venture capitalists who didn’t believe in a woman’s vision, who had been unemployed and desperate for money. As the day went on, we became clear with new ideas on future gifts for women, clearer on how to show up in the world, and full of thoughts on scalability. When I stood-up to wrap-up the conference, the group was fried, full, and one bite away from being too full. We had been holding space for ourselves to be ourselves, holding space for our dreams, and the group had reached their cap on the information they could receive.

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I asked everyone to wiggle out there bodies, stretch, change seats, then close their eyes. Get focused on their breathe. Feel the earth supporting them. Feel the insides of their bodies full, complete. Acknowledge that they’re one bite away from too full. Then I asked everyone to focus on a future moment in their life, a moment they’ve been wanting to do, create or change about their life. I asked them to hold space for themselves to be themselves, to let the dream be expansive, let it be bite size, let the dream be the size that it is.

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As I lead them through a breathe meditation focused on visualizing, truly being in this future moment, in this dream of theirs, I reminded them that the body, the brain, doesn’t know the difference between reality and a hyper-focused visualization. I guided them to expand beyond the dream, to see themselves in the moment so clearly that they could see the colors, the people, hear the sounds surrounding them in this future moment. When we were done and opened our eyes, the glimmer was brighter than before. The gleam was uplifted because they were uplifted, they had held space for them to be themselves in this very moment. To believe it was possible, to know that it was already happening. In this moment, every woman there knew that their future gift to women was the gift of themselves and their creations.

This is the work we are here to do on this planet. We are all artists of life. We are all just trying to create a life we want to be living, and maybe even get to share some of our hopes and dreams with one another. We are here on this planet to be the Life Artist we were meant to be. We are here on this planet to evolve beyond our stories, our patterns, our comparison syndromes. We are here on this planet to create a loving life together, and to leave this world a better place than when we came into it.

And before we knew it the day was over, and we took our full spirited selves to our homes for rest, self-care, and to get ready for the next creation to be built.

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This conference was one of the best conferences I have ever taught at. Not only were the women receptive to the work, they were hungry for healing, open to guidance and interested in learning more about themselves. We can often talk at one another, especially at networking events, or conferences, and there can be extreme power in presentation, in talking at. But on this afternoon, the power was in coming together and feeding the energy of our visions. The power was in the group’s ability to push beyond insecurities, self-doubt, old stories and patterns, and to simply show up as the Life Artist that they are. It’s such an honor to speak, and teach at conferences, and to be a part of Bossladies first annual conference was no exception.

Mindfulness and Healing work are powerful when we step into it alone, and they’re even more powerful when we step into it together.





The Yellow Conference 2018

Going INWARDS so we can show up OUTWARDS

The room was buzzing and no one had even entered the room yet. The thunder downstairs from the noise of the 500+ people wandering around the Marketplace was electric. The Yellow conference was beginning with the MC introduction, then the Founder’s speech, then me. I got there early because LA traffic is no fun to stress in in general, but especially not the energy you’re looking to receive when you’re the one brought in to center and ground the room. I lite some Paolo Santo, the stick I carry with me in my purse for every occasion, and walked around the giant loft taking big deep breathes in. Then a quick bathroom break before being mic’d up. Of course what happens in the bathroom is that my pants split straight down the middle of the crotch region. I busted up laughing. There was no time for wardrobe malfunctions, I was about to go on stage. I would have to walk strategically to keep this newfound rip hidden and go on stage hoping there’s no need to bend over in front of these 500 strangers.

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The founder of Yellow is a doll. Joanna built an experience simply because she felt that more attention needed to be paid on the brands, companies and individuals who are out there making a difference in our world, doing good.  We decided my purpose of speaking and guiding at this conference was to support these women in going inwards, ground them in their hearts, so they can show up in the world outwardly.

I’ve been going inwards my whole life, been looking at my insides since I was 5 years old and learning how to take that inwards reflection into my outside world and teach others how to do the same, is what I was put on this planet to do. Supporting a room full of powerhouse women and holding space for everyone to look at their inwards, their unknown, the space where possibility lives, this is the work that made my body feel alive.

I love every single class I teach, every single workshop, retreat, conference or company. The reason I can say that so matter of factly is because I know that this practice works. I’ve experienced it, and I’ve taught thousands of people who experience it. Now I had an opportunity to teach these 500 creative, soul-preneurs, that they too can be their best self with just their breath and the willingness to look inward.

The room shook. The women stood, wiggled their bodies letting the sensation that was alive within them be honored, be felt, and maybe even get a little bigger. Together they breathed into their nerves, breathed out their judgements, and tapped into their hearts asking their hearts to guide them throughout the weekend, asking their hearts for openness, understanding, and curiosity lead. All 500 women connected with their breath, used their breath to connect them with their dreams, with what they want to do, create, or change in their lives. Creating this reality with their minds, visualizing the sounds around them in this future moment, the colors, the people, the way they felt in this future moment. Every woman in the room gave themselves permission to see, feel and to truly believe in the feelings that make up their dreams. The mind doesn’t know the difference between an exceptionally detailed visualization and reality, so together they breathed into this future moment, connected with it as though it was happening today. They opened their eyes. All smiles, overcome with softness, led by curiosity and ready for a weekend of knowledge and connection fueled by passion.

And no one noticed the rip in my pants!

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Working with resistance

Resistance can be a tough cookie. She’s not always pleasurable to be sitting with, and she’s usually the advocate for staying where you are, working hand-in-hand with stagnation. And yet when resistance comes around it’s usually a tall sign that you’re working with just exactly what you’re meant to be working with.

Oftentimes working with resistance for me means complete acceptance of starting just exactly where I am starting. That means, no matter how much further along in the process I want to be, or how frustrated I may feel with not knowing or understanding the ride I’m on, that I embrace with complete love where I am in the process. AND more than that, I must completely surrender to where I am in the process, with love, always with love.

It can feel heavy. It can feel overwhelming. It can feel expansive. It can feel daunting. It’s a dance. A dance between all the emotions that come through. A dance with yourself, your better half and your darkness.

There  are two types of resistance that feel most prominent in my life: a) resistance in connection to my own healing journey and to the deeper wounds that I’m working with, or b) it can be resistance with the creative project I have in front of me.

If it’s resistance that I’m feeling when it comes to my own healing journey, I first FEEL IT. LIVE IN IT. SURRENDER TO IT. This surrender isn’t the waving of the white flag surrender, it’s the melt into it type of surrender. When I melt into the emotion and allow it to have its feelings, the emotion loses its total control over me which has usually lead me to the face-off with resistance in the first place. Only then do I begin to accept the nonlinearity of it all.

If it’s a creative project that I’m resisting, if it’s the creation of anything, whether this be in physical form or not, I sit down to write a list of the reason this idea, this creation has to come through me. The reasons I’m grateful to the project. Even if this doesn’t begin a flow of continued creation, it gives me a new outlook, a complete reframing encouraging my heart to feel fulfilled by the desire to continue the creation.

Resistance shows up in many ways and it does the exact same thing in breathwork. The idea is to not get defeated with resistance but rather learn to work with it. Whether that be pushing through it, past it, or sitting in it momentarily, it could mean breathing into it, claiming the resistance and doing the work anyway. The best way to  work with resistance is to learn to see it for what it is, be willing to work with it, and let it stimulate all that you’re meant to be opening and working with.

Tools for finding balance in the hamster wheel

When this question was asked in a session the other day I was reminded of how many of us can feel like we’re all alone on our journey’s to working with balance. When we’re running between meetings, chasing after promotions, RSVPing to weddings, baby showers, and birthdays, and jumping between texts, trains, and roads, finding balance can almost feel like a myth. Or sometimes even, a complete lie.

“I had to remind myself I’m not superwoman”, a wonderful client of mine said. She’s right! We’re not superwomen so it’s time we cut ourselves a little slack. Yet, with everything we have on our plate, with all that we are tackling, the business’ we’re launching, the friendships and relationships we’re cultivating, with just exactly who you are today in this moment, you actually are a SUPER woman. Maybe it’s time for you to recognize the SUPER-ness about you, to acknowledge who you are in this moment, and maybe at the same time, there’s also an opportunity to connect with the daily cultivation of balance.

The cultivation of balance.

I don’t think balance is a myth, but I do think our vision of what having a balanced life looks like might be a bit skewed. What I mean by this is, balance is not something we achieve. It’s not attainable as in something for us to check off our to-do lists. Balance is a state of mind. When we’re able to feel into this statement and connect with balance from the inside out, that’s when we create balance while on the hamster wheel of life.

I used to think I was a busy woman. Two years ago I was working a full-time 9-5 corporate job which was really more like 9-midnight, working my side hustle, taking clients, cultivating my new live-in romantic relationship, healing my heart, studying more healing, trying to eat healthy, be healthy, have a social life, spend enough time with my family, and the list goes on. Sound familiar to anyone? Today, I’m no longer working the 9-midnight corporate job, but I am running my own business which puts busy into a whole new light. Busy today means something different than it meant two years ago, and yet it still persists. My friends who are new moms, have toddlers running around, talk about busy in a completely different light. The things we are doing, accomplishing, healing, on a daily basis, make us SUPERWOMEN. That’s why balance to me is less about finding it and more about creating it, connecting with it and reminding ourselves of this connection through tips/tools/easily accessible action, on a daily basis.

Here are some of my favorite tips/tools that I either have used, and/or continue to use to connect with balance daily:

  • Meditate. Daily. For real, daily. Meditation is an extremely powerful tool for you to access on your own, at any moment, of anyday. When you meditate you give your body and mind permission to detach. This in turn slows the nervous system and the highly active thoughts running through our minds, and opens up an opportunity for you to connect with inner peace. It doesn’t mean you’ll be happy/get happy in every 5 minute meditation, and it takes practice, but I promise you this, YOU are NOT a BAD meditator. You just need practice, maybe some guidance, but you can do this. Meditate in the morning, meditate in the middle of the day, and meditate in the evening. Even if it’s just 5 minutes, take that momentary break from living inside your own head and allow yourself time to connect with the peace, with the presence of the moment, and you’ll feel connected to a more balanced life

  • Create space for your life to be lived. What are your basic needs? Are they being met? Maybe you can check-in with yourself once a week, are you sleeping, nourishing, moving your body this week? What can you do to create space for your basic needs to be met? We need to meet our own basic needs in order to show up for the world around us. When we neglect ourselves we’re only doing a disservice to our loved ones because we become more irritable, and less likely to enjoy the life we’ve built. Identify what it is that you need to do, to have, to create time and space for in your life in order for love to flow freely from you and around you, and find a way to make them happen.

  • Identify your non-negotiables, the things that are beyond your basic needs that make you feel good, are they being met? I believe this connects with getting clear on your boundaries as well. What is vitally important to you today, tomorrow, this week, that must get done? Be clear about what that is and set a clear boundary around it which doesn’t allow for you or anyone to get in the way of that experience.

  • Move your body. The number attached to this will vary per person, but for me it’s at least 3 days a week. If I’m moving my body at least 3 days a week I’m much more likely to feel like myself. If I’m not moving my body, sweating, stretching, I feel out of flow, out of sync with the flow of the Universe. This could fall under one of your non-negotiables like it does for me, or maybe it’s about walking, stretching, or getting out from behind the computer to take in 5 minutes of life moving around you. Identify what moving your body means to you, how that feels and create space for it.

  • Clear communication. There are times when parts of your life will need more of your time and attention than others. When you’re launching a project, a business, or when you and your partner aren’t on the same page and your relationship needs some serious TLC, communicate with the other strings, people, things pulling at your attention and let them know where you’re at. You don’t have to tell them the details of what is going on, but some communication from you can go a long way in retaining your relationship. Plus you’re giving yourself permission to tend to what you need to tend too, to spend more of your time, energy, money on this one particular sector of your life. If those people really truly love you, they will understand, love and support your endeavors to the end.

  • Spend 2 minutes doing nothing every day. This is a personal preference, something that puts the rest of the world, the guilt, the pressures into perspective, and therefore, has become a habit. Allowing myself to sit and look at the world around me pass me by, see the trees rustling in the wind, listen to the birds, people watch, gives me some perspective on life and all that it brings so I don’t go giving too much weight to any one thing

  • Identify the guilt and work with it. When you’re feeling guilty for spending too much of your time in any one place, identify where there is guilt, and allow yourself to dig into it. What is the guilt really about? Is it connected to any sense of self-worth, of not being enough? Is there any opportunities for you to get clear and communicate clearly both with yourself and with those around you what your priorities are so you can fully give your attention to what’s needed? Is there an opportunity for you to ask for help? To make a change? Take a look at the guilt that you feel and work with it so you can comfortable put it in the backseat recognizing that it’s there but not to be the driver at the time.

Honor Yourself

To honor oneself is to acknowledge the steps one has taken thus far, the achievements, the heartaches, the winding roads, and to not only recognize where we are today, but to accept with appreciation that this moment, is just exactly as it is to be.

I generally believe that people are good at recognizing what they are feeling, when they are feeling it. Even if you’re one that’s not good at claiming your emotion, you have an awareness of the happiness, the sadness, the loneliness, the comfort that exist in and around your life. I feel we’re generally good at embracing the ups and downs that life brings us, and we’re aware, noticing the things we want to be changing, growing about ourselves and our lives. Why then, as fairly awake individuals can it feel so difficult to honor ourselves, to honor our emotions, our experiences?

Honoring our story, honoring our sadness can not only feel challenging, it can often feel like a downright betrayal of our past and all that we’ve successfully held onto all these years. Maybe you’re not ready to let go of your pain, your sadness? Maybe you’re not ready to let the story become redefined, and as a result you push up against the emotion each and every time? That is, until that no longer works and you’re pushed open to honoring your state of being.

photography by:  Rachael Reiss

photography by: Rachael Reiss

That’s where I’m now. It no longer works for me to keep this firm grip on my pain, the emotion wants out of the container I’ve kept it in for the last few years, and it’s time to honor its needs.

For me, much of honoring myself has been about honoring my soul’s desire. When my soul is in need of some rest, some down time, honoring myself looks like listening to the easy life. It’s slowing down, it’s taking a break from the busyness of life, and all the productivity that is pulling at my attention. Recently it’s also been about allowing the container for which I’ve held my sadness in, to expand. In other words, the space that has held my own healing, my pain, my sorrow has held me for a long time, and it’s worked for me for a long time as well. Suddenly, it stopped working for me and I found myself unsure of where to put my sadness so it began pouring out into the streets in a completely unorganized, sob story kind of way. Okay, I’m being dramatic. It hasn’t really poured out onto the streets, I just really liked that sentence. It is true however that I found myself unsure of how to express my pain, my healing journey, and it did pour out at some unexpected times. It was only then that I realized it wasn’t about figuring out “the right”, linear way to express, but rather was about HONORING the emotion for what it was. The emotion was like an alive living creature inside me that has been playing in it’s usual playpen, and it wanted, no, it needed, to spend some time in a different playground, this time in the light of day. So when it wanted to be felt, I felt. When it wanted to be explored I explored. When it had no words, I allowed it to be what it was as it was. This type of emotional honoring of my pain was, still feels new to me, but I am willing to explore it in the name of my own healing journey.

Honor the emotion. Honor your accomplishments. Honor your story and make way for even deeper love to enter, to flow through your life.

Honoring ourselves can look like honoring the place we are at in our journey, it can be about taking pride, and acknowledging ourselves for how far we’ve come, or it could be about recognizing our own accomplishments and celebrating. Honoring ourselves could be about honoring our stories, all that has happened to get us to where we are today, it could be about honoring our pain, our sadness and allowing the emotion to exist without the need for immediate solution, or it could be about honoring the joy, the happiness we’ve created within our lives.

Honoring oneself all leads back to recognizing the steps we’ve taken on our journey thus far so we can meet ourselves just exactly where we are today. When we empower ourselves with awareness of our life, of our beingness, of our souls, we set ourselves up for (more) success, abundance and more importantly, more love for our tomorrow.

Creating with MY OWN TWO HANDS

Yesterday, the final day of Mercury Retrograde, a New Moon underway and no current midlife identity crisis, or upheaval in the midst, I could not for the life of me understand why I was consumed with so much unruliness. I still don’t entirely understand it, and yet this morning, just a merely 24 hours later, my body feels an extremely heightened sense of groundedness, open and connectedness to the Universe. I feel massively different than where I was yesterday morning and all I did over this last day was - I made time for me.

I made time for me and I did so in a completely different way than I typically do. I didn’t choose to spend time by the water with a good book, likely a self-help book rather than what for me feels almost entirely indulgent, a fiction book. I didn’t spend my time writing or working on my book. I didn’t spend time with my love, connecting deeper on truths about this life. Instead, I spent time with my hands creating.

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I had signed up for this workshop with HER SOCIAL CLUB almost a month prior thinking it would be a fun, creative day, but more than that, that it was something I needed to do for work. I would be networking with other like-minded, powerful ladies, and knowing the amount of magic I’ve had come from those experiences before, I figured if nothing else, I would meet a few more empowered women in Los Angeles.

The artist Mimi Haddon began the day by discussing how as a society, we are no longer using our hands. We use our hands for talking, for typing, for working, but it’s become a rare commodity putting our hands to work creating. We were given a bunch of driftwood, colored yard, ropes, shown how to tie certain types of knots that would hold, and told to get after it. I’m a crafter, always have been. I’ve been making scrapbooks since I was a teenager and we used to print off all our photos for the memory banks, I’ve created and experimented in the kitchen with baked goods, quiches, you name it, I’ve crafted dream catchers for friends and family members as gifts, and painted using many different forms, materials and equipment including newspapers, stencils, free-hand and more.

As I was leaving this magnificent day I realized it has been over a year since I’ve opened any of my crafting materials. The last time my craft boxes were opened they were sprawled out on the living room floor at one in the morning and I was having a mental breakdown because we had just moved in, and I had no place to put any of my crafting materials. One whole year went by without me using my hands, something I’ve always loved to do and I never even realized it.

Don’t get me wrong I love all of the things I have done this last year. I love clean eating I have doven into, I love the work I’ve done on my book, and the healing writing I’ve done expressing my voice and my traumas, I love the business I’ve developed, the people I’ve met and the creative sessions I lead with my private clients and in group settings, but I had lost the joy in making things with my hands and as  result lost inspiration and drive from my life that I couldn’t even see was missing.

As I sit here able to free-flow write this post with ease, excited about diving into my book again, I can’t help but smile when I look back on Friday. I was forcing myself to put pen to paper, didn’t feel I had anything to say and was completely drained from the week. A drastic difference from what I’m used to given I’m typically energized by my work, I’m reminded of the importance of reconnecting with my humanity in relation to the physical world. Using my hands, creating, opening, living creates a strengthened tangible bond between me and the Universe. It separates me from the digital world if only for a brief moment and creates more understanding of who I am as a human being in this world, of who we are and the purpose behind all the breathing moments.

With this New Moon energy we’re working with I invite you to explore what new beginnings are you in need of reconnecting with? What past creations do you feel the drive to reconnect with? What creativity are you drawn to but have never explored before? What needs to be expressed, and do you need to use expression differently than you’ve done before? What could this open up for you in your life?

I have always loved the Ben Harper song “With My Own Two Hands”, today it holds completely different to me than it has over the years...

"I can change the world, with my own two hands -- Make a better place, with my own two hands -- Make a kinder place, oh with my, oh with my own two hands -- With my own, with my own two hands -- With my own, with my own two hands -- I can make peace on earth, with my own two hands -- And I can clean up the earth, oh with my own two hands -- And I can reach out to you, with my own two hands -- With my own, with my own two hands" - Ben Harper

Wholehearted LIVING

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As I was working out this morning recovering from a long weekend filled with lots of un, and not much of my regular practice, Danielle Laporte’s White Hot Truth book came on shuffle. I’ve listened to it so many times I would have skipped it if I hadn’t been in the middle of an exercise I wasn’t willing to put on pause. And as always with these Universal ways, I heard a sentence I’ve heard a million times, in a completely new light than I’d ever heard it before. The funny truth is I can’t quote it perfectly given that I don’t even know what chapter it was in, or how to find it but the sentiment stuck with me and it felt important to share. “I would rather be honest than consistent.”

I used to struggle a lot with the balance of my various personality types. Never quite sure which side of myself to embrace more than the other almost always feeling pulled in different directions, consistency wasn’t something I would strive for but whole-heartedness was, and subconsciously I felt the two were intrinsically connected.

Wholeness has been something I’ve always worked to achieve, something I’ve strived for, and softened into for quite some time. About a year ago it all sort of clicked for me, wholehearted living was about embracing all sides to who I was, and doing so at all times. Wholehearted living was about living out what felt right deep in my gut, it was about following dreams instead of fears, and it was about doing so in a way that only I could create the path for me. That was my truth, that is my truth, and if I wanted to continue on the path of honest living than I had to tell consistency to screw off.

What makes me laugh today about hearing this sentence from a fresh perspective is that a whole year later, consistency is back and it’s back in a big way. It’s come full circle. I’m sure I’ll lose my way again, that’s just a part of the path but today it feels good to know I feel connected to my own wholehearted living, and I believe that’s in part because I let consistency slide away for awhile.

Living honestly is what connects us with open, wholehearted living. If honesty and consistency seem to line up for you today, amazing, but if it doesn’t today, tomorrow or ever for you, who's to say that’s not okay too? Living your most authentic life means living honestly you. When we’re doing that, everyday is like drinking sweet juicy nectar from the tree of life.