Defining Our Own Beauty

Beauty is something many young girls strive for. We see it in magazines and on TV, and find ourselves wishing for that glamourized version of beauty. These thoughts develop at a young age, and unfortunately, don’t necessarily vanish, or even get better, as we get older. As a 20 something woman, I find that now more than ever, I am struggling to find the balance in my life that allows me to accept my body as beautiful. Instead, I am still that little girl drooling over the beauty I see in other women.

I check out other women possibly more than I check out men, and compare every aspect of myself to them. It can be in an influential way, like when I see an amazing outfit and I get excited to mimic; however, most times I find that analyzing other women gives me more envy than it does inspiration.

When I see a bigger woman with an hourglass figure strolling by me confidently in her bikini, I envy her poise and acceptance of herself. When I see a slim woman with a straight figure, I’m jealous that she can wear high-waisted skirts and I can’t. The truth is, even though I feel this way, its quiet possible that these women walk by and see something in me that they are jealous of. Basically it is not uncommon for woman to have misconstrued perception of themselves.

A dear friend of mine, an amazing soccer player with a gorgeous figure, had an eating disorder at a young age. Another friend, a workout queen with a perfectly toned body, will complain about how she looks in a bikini. And the one I can never believe, my girlfriend who was born with a fast metabolism. She honestly thinks that she can look bloated despite the fact that she is naturally model skinny. The reality is we simply see what we see when we look in the mirror, and nothing anyone can say, will change our perception.

When trying on clothes in a dressing room once, a saleslady noticed I was obsessing over my hips and came to me and said, “Sweetie, those are not love handles. Those are called hips, and you have them. You are nothing but woman with those curves, embrace them.” Somehow, a complete stranger can see my hips as voluminous curves, yet I continue to berate myself for what I see as love handles.

At this stage of life we know we need to watch what we eat, exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle, and for the most part we do all of those things. The important thing to remember, even if we can’t stop dreamily staring at what others have, is to find the version of beauty that fits you. As a 20 something woman, with a full-time job, not much time to cook, and very few hours to get a good workout in, I will always be balancing and adapting to the version of beauty that works for my body.

All our bodies are different; therefore, there is not going to be one specific tactic that is the solution to all our negative body image perceptions. We can, and I encourage you to, share our own individual experiences and techniques to help give one another encouragement and ideas. But above all, I think the first step in learning to accept your body and find your own balance is to maintain focus on what specifically works best for you.

I know I will never feel comfortable strolling along the beach in just a bikini. I will always want to be skinnier and I will continue to check out and compare myself to other women. However for me, the most important thing to remember is balance. If I maintain a decent level of exercise throughout the week, while also giving myself my daily small portion of chocolate, I feel good. When I am balanced, I feel confident and beautiful, and that version of beauty fits my lifestyle and me.

Many 20 something women are learning to adapt to their new adult-like bodies, and also learning to love their body for the first time. Rather than comparing ourselves, we should find solace in knowing that we’re not alone. Beauty manifests itself in acceptance. When we start accepting our bodies for what they are and what we were born with, we can start to see ourselves as beautiful.

The Power of Thought

“Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. ” (From my Mother's refrigerator)

Watching your thoughts allows you to quiet the inner noise that they make. 

It is incredibly easy to get down on yourself, your accomplishments, your work, your life. And sometimes all we need is a good cry and curse at the world. But after you let that out of your system, it's important to regain focus and center it on the positive. When you stop sending negative energy from your thoughts into the world, and instead, send positive, hopeful energy, your life will be dramatically improved. This small little change will have great impact on your outlook, and on your life as a whole. 

Hope lives within us all. Some of us naturally contain more hope than others, and some of us have the natural instinct of shoving it deep down. In reality, we don’t all have to be the obnoxious “Positive Polly” or “Negative Nancy”. We can choose to be somewhere in between. Utilize this hope and send it out into the world to enhance your own quality of life. 

I've talked before about change and growth, and how the only time one can truly change is if they personally want to. Similar to that idea, increasing your positive nature is absolutely possible, you just have to genuinely want to make this change. 

Be self-analytical. Read your own body; see if it is filled with enthusiasm and motivation. Be strong enough to recognize if you consistently find yourself doubting your own accomplishments, or laking excitement and determination to finish tasks. You can never have too much hope. It is the driving factor that makes all things possible. It is an invisible friend pushing you along throughout life believing in you.

Being hopeful is thinking positively. The entire concept of the book The Secret, is based around the idea that our thoughts are powerful enough to be turned into facts within our own real life. It explained that if we send positive vibes towards things we want in life, both tangible and emotional, we will see a positive impact, a change for the better. I think this whole idea lies within the assumption that we all really are a little bit psychic.

There is power within us. We see it everyday in cancer survivors, women who stand up against rape/abuse, recovering alcoholics, and the list goes on. These people would not have been able to overcome their hardship if they didn’t have the power or strength come from within. Now the question is did their strength come from the power of thought? Is their survival and betterment entirely attributed to their ability to change/turn their thoughts into positive statements? 

I do not personally think positive statements and good energy is the sole strength behind a fulfilling life. However, I do believe that spending significant periods of time in a day sending positive vibes into the universe not only makes your own body feel better, but also opens your mind and soul to positive changes. I believe that enhancing your own quality of life, regardless of your own past or present situation, is largely dependent upon positive energy. 

“Watch your thoughts. Watching your thoughts is a small change that offers you the amazing opportunity to stop the wheels from turning every second and gain critical perspective. (p48 Easier Than You Think, Richard Carlson)

To rephrase, taking a minute to step out of your own brain, look and listen to your own thoughts, allows you to look at a situation that was causing you turmoil more clearly. We are the controllers of our own happiness. Others absolutely have an impact on your life, but in the end, you can decide how much you are affected. By quieting your mind, and listening to your thoughts as something on a morning talk show, you just might be able to handle the hardships.

Accept all your emotions, let yourself be cranky and mad at the world. Accept them as your emotions, then let go, and move on. It’s all about attitude. It’s up to you to make your day.

It may seem as though, this is downplaying the difficulty of watching your thoughts. If only we were all rational when going through an emergency or emotional roller-coaster ride. But I guess that’s the point. In the end, we have a choice. We can either let our thoughts eat us alive and control our every move in life, or we can step back, take notice, watch the movie and listen to the radio, and then move forward. 

Thinking Images

I am working on an article called the Power of Thought. Until that is ready for viewing, this is a collection of images that made me think and I like sharing thoughtful things so here...enjoy!

Hitting a Wall of Water

As I’ve mentioned before the Quarterlife Crisis is a phase in human development that I am entirely enveloped by. The following was a piece written for those who are going through the same thing. As a way to help myself better understand this era of life, I began writing. I was hoping to come up with something that would help others better understand the throws of their Quarterlife. Instead I came up with more of a metaphorical coping mechanism and less of a revelation; however, maybe someone will feel less alone by reading this.

It’s like hitting a wall of water.

That is exactly what this is all about. It’s definitely a wall because you hit it. It’s a hard substance with length much greater than thickness and a continuous surface that touches all surroundings. When you hit it, it feels like there’s nowhere else to go. There’s no way up, no way down, around and definitely no way through it. But then, this is why it’s a wall of water.

Water is something you actually can go through. Whether you’re swimming or sinking you are somehow moving through water. So you end up going through the wall because of the water, but that doesn’t make any sense considering it’s a wall and you can’t go through a wall.

So, you are swimming or sinking in the water and are constantly surrounded by a wall that is made up of water. Maybe you can’t find your way up. Maybe there is no way up, no way down and no way through on any side. You are just aimlessly floating, swimming or sinking around that wall of water.

But then a small spec of light shines through and you can see something. You start to believe you’re going to get out. You swim towards the light. You see your path. The one that’s RIGHT. The thing that’s going to get you back on track, away from the wall. It is exciting, you let yourself feel that excitement, and you believe that you’re going to be something, go somewhere. You actually do have so much potential and so much to give and show to the world.

Then it blatantly, as quickly as it appears, disappears. It doesn’t slowly fade, or slide over the edge of the mountain like the sun setting would. It’s like God (or the bigger spirit that you believe in, or if none at all than as if magic) has spectacularly made it disappear. The worst is that now it’s darker than ever before because your eyes started getting used to the light. You start feeling stupid thinking how on earth could you have begun to believe that spec of light in the water again! The worst is that you can’t even swim in this water anymore. Can’t doesn’t describe it, you don’t dare swim because you’re up against the wall. There’s way less room for movement now, nothing to think about, nothing to believe in, and all the water feels deeper than it ever was before.

When you start catching your breath you find that you have some movement in your water, the wall isn’t as hard as it had just felt. So you think that breathing must be the answer. Deeper breaths lead to a softer wall and more and more movement in the water. As the movement begins to come back slowly, your eyes begin to adjust a little to the darkness. You see familiar shapes, sizes, shadows, and as it usually does, familiarity warms you all over. You feel comforted. Probably faster than you would have liked, but you can’t help it, the comfort and the excitement that follows starts to get your blood flowing again. The all is lost, woe is me fear has dissipated a little and you’re doing all right.

Out of nowhere the light starts coming through. You’re not sure at first if it’s the light or if your adjusting even more to the dark, but either way you’re swimming more freely now and panic has left your body. Then, without a doubt, you see that it is, crystal clear, light. You want to be mad but instead just accept that it’s coming back. Then as if it had never been taken away to begin with, or maybe just out of pure devotion, you swim in the light. You’re no longer stuck in a wall of water; you are simply swimming in clear Blue. You are all Smiles.

You begin to think: It can’t be much further. The water as an entity is entirely lit. Surly it isn’t just surrounding me, there’s a point I will reach. I will actually reach the light.

Then, quicker than ever before, or maybe it just feels that way: Darkness.

Until the next spec of light…

Ages and Stages of Life

Quite frankly, I have been uninspired to write. It took me awhile to figure out why, but fortunately, last night, I came to some sort of conclusion: I am a young professional in my mid-twenties going through what has been deemed as the "Quarterlife Crisis". There are a few books and articles written on this subject all of which are an attempt at explaining to the world why this phase in human development is significant, endless, exciting, terrifying, inspirational and debilitating. I have been lost for words because I have felt all of these things throughout my Quarterlife Crisis thus far, and through its ups and downs, I have simply not felt inspired to explain my revelations on life. This post below is an excerpt of the words I was unable to find to explain what this "Stage" feels like. Therefore, until the time when I can post a better explanation of the next revelation, ENJOY!

Ages and Stages of Life
-Unknown

From crawling, walking and babbling to
the angst and rebellion of the tween and
teen years, children go through a predictable
set of developmental stages. But
stages aren’t just a kid thing. In fact, every
decade poses its own predictable set of
“normative tasks,” says Dr. Diane Finley, a
developmental psychologist at Prince
George’s Community College in Largo, Md.,
and spokesperson for the American Psychological
Association. That’s psychology
speak for adult milestones.
But this isn’t your mother’s straightforward
life track. In the past, you got married
and had all your kids by your late 20s, spent
your 30s raising them and began seeing
them off to college by the time you hit your
40s, which paved the way for the empty
nest. Now, it’s more of a zigzag. You may be
spending your 20s and 30s laying the
groundwork for your career and not getting
married and starting a family until your
mid-30s or 40s or even later. That timing
can shift your personal course of development
and the life issues you’re dealing with,
so can divorce and the fact that we’re living
longer.
Whatever your situation, are you on
track to living your life to the fullest? Take
charge of your fate with this decade-bydecade
guide to maximizing your personal
sense of fulfillment.
Your 20s: The “Who Am I?” Years
Your 20s are a time of self-exploration,
confidence and skill building as you learn
how to exist in the workforce. This decade
is most forgiving because you’re young and
expectations among employers (and your
parents) are lower, especially if you’re supporting
yourself and therefore paying your
own tab. If you get married in your 20s and
have kids right away, you’ll have less leeway
to explore different aspects of your personality
because your life won’t be just about
you anymore. But whether your priorities
are centered around career or family, you
spend your 20s trying to answer the central
question: Who am I?
Success Rx
Have a plan. Your 20s can be an exciting
and tumultuous time, but don’t wing
them entirely. Formulate a basic plan about
what you’d like to accomplish personally
and professionally and where you’d like to
be at the end of the decade. But stay flexible.
“So many people bum themselves out
when they don’t live according to the
timetable they’ve got in their head,” says
Dr. Beth Erickson, a developmental psychologist
in Minnetonka, Minn.
If, for example, you don’t get married at
age 27 like you thought you would because
Mr. Right hasn’t come along yet, don’t panic
or blame yourself.
“There’s a difference between having a
basic plan and trying to control the universe
to meet that plan,” Erickson says.
Keep trying to accomplish your goals or
feel free to change them along the way and
shift your timing, if necessary. Better to do
that than, say, marry Mr. Not Right just because
he came along at the”right” time, or
to ditch Mr. Right just because you didn’t
plan on getting married until your 30s.
Go ahead: Move about the cabin.
While you’re living your plan, feel free to
deviate from it. Your 20s are perfect for trying
out various jobs, cities and partners, so
give yourself permission to test your
boundaries.
“There will never be a better time to experiment
with different life experiences
and discover facets of your personality,” Erickson
says.
In your 20s, it’s okay to quit your smalltown
accounting position or try your hand
at acting in Los Angeles or go to law school.
And if it doesn’t work out, don’t feel bad.
“Lots of things we think of as mistakes in
our 20s really aren’t,” says Erickson.
“They’re just experiences and choices that
didn’t fit us.”
Give yourself points for trying and for the
invaluable lessons you’ll learn about yourself
along the way.
Seek support. If you get married and
have kids in your 20s, “get emotional support
from other moms-to-be,” says Shellie
Fidell, a psychotherapist in private practice
at Women’s Healthcare Partnership in St.
Louis, Mo. Connecting with other moms
online is a great way to get parenting tips,
dissolve the isolation of taking care of a
newborn and feel part of a like-minded
community. Also, get a babysitter at least
once a month so you can forge an identity
as a couple. No matter what your age,
“don’t make your kids the center of your
life,” says Erickson. “It’s not good for you,
your marriage or your children.”

Imagery That Portray Emotion

Sometimes I find my writing to be impeded by the overflow of words that enter my brain. That seems like a paradox; however, it's as simple as sometimes, pictures do a better job at portraying my revelations. Here are some expressive images I found on my favorite website.  www.vi.sualize.us

Understanding Love Religion

LOVE AS A RELIGION

The love we come to practice. The kind of love we practice is a direct result of our Nature and Nurture.

How we love, whether it is how we choose to love, How we instinctively love, or How we love habitually, is almost not up to us, although we may change it.

The Love we practice is a combination of Nature and Nurture. It only makes sense that the way we love, our ability to love, is developed from who we are. Who we are, is comprised of two things: who we are genetically, thus our DNA and genetic makeup, and our environment, i.e.: the experiences we’ve had and the things we grew up around.

One reason Love as a Religion makes so much sense is because we both partially have no control over it (the DNA/genetic makeup of ourselves), and we partially do (we can change, I mean truly change, our outlook on the world, and the way we let our experiences affect us and our life).

Change, that’s the thing. People do change. It takes a lot of effort, perseverance, commitment, willingness (and a continuous list which are all understatements) to change, but it is possible. Therefore, if one doesn’t like the inherent Love Religion that they one day realize they practice one can change it. It’s not easy because it’s a part of the growth process and nothing within the growth process is simple. For example, when you learn something new about yourself, something you don’t particularly like, it’s natural to recognize it, say we are going to change, and then fall back into habit. To change takes someone who is extremely committed, open minded, accepting to criticism, accepting to critical perspective, and the list continues. Changing your Love Religion follows the same concept. If someone realizes they want and are willing to change, it is beautiful. However, the catch is this…they have to WANT to change for themselves and themselves only.

On this note, I recently discovered something. My whole life I have claimed to be open minded. I have claimed to be accepting of all those different than myself. What exactly does being open-minded entail? I used to think I was open-minded because I was accepting of different races, religions, ethnicities, cultures and lifestyles. But, what I’ve learned about myself is that although I may have been open minded on those subjects, I was never open minded when it came down to the differences in how others dealt with relationships, or how others chose to live their social lives, or, and to me most importantly, I was never open minded to how each individual chose to handle a hardship/situation in their lives. Because I am now babbling, let me give you an example. For me, my independence is extremely important. I believe it is important to know who you are as an individual, to gain understanding and perspective on who you are, and what your wants and needs are. Yet the catch here is, if someone else didn’t deal with a breakup in the same way I did, I was livid. It was infuriating for me to watch those I care about go through a breakup and then quickly move on to the next one. If I was open minded, as I had claimed to be, I would’ve learned long ago that what is right for me is not right for others. This same concept applies with your Love Religion. I have learned that the kind of Love Religion I practice is what’s right for me. It may not be right for my best friend. The effort I must put into truly changing my train of thoughts into becoming more open-minded is unlike anything I have ever done. However, like I said earlier, I had to want to change for myself, just like another must have to want to change their Love Religion.

I don’t know all the types of Love Religions. I’ve recently learned one new one, but I think there must be hundreds. And I don’t necessarily believe we all must ‘choose’ a kind of Love Religion. Choosing is not necessary because we don’t all know what our Love Religion is. That too takes time, revelation, thoughts, and more, to realize what kind of love you practice. And I feel lucky to have realized my kind of Love practice so early in life. I think if personally you are happy with the kind of love you are willing to give and the kind of love you are willing to receive, then that’s all that really matters. But I do think you must find someone who practices the same kind of Love; therefore, you and your partner are inherently happy together. If you don’t practice the same kind of love then one person is, and will always be, settling.

Love as a Religion could case some controversy from experts, theorists, priests, rabbi’s, or just passionate people, but I think all that would be needed to settle it would be the realization among all these people that no Love Religion is wrong, for those that maintain a consistent open mind.

What works for one may not work for another. THAT, is the beauty of Love Religion.

Memories and Our Emotions

To preface: this is a little theory combined with science and mixed with life questions to form new thoughts. The facts in this post are taken from Louann Brizendine's beautifully sculpted book "The Female Brain".

The hippocampus is a major component of the brain. It is this section that is responsible for memory, both long term and short term, emotions and learning. It is not a fluke that when you are faced with an embarrassing situation, or when your emotions are running rampant, that your memory stores and is able to pull out this emotion later in life. In other words, the hippocampus is responsible for any and all emotional scars.

Now, it is a fact that the hippocampus in a woman’s brain is larger than in a man’s brain. To be clear, this is not the portrayal of a feminist viewpoint. It is quite simply an attempt at understanding why women generally tend to hold onto their emotional scars more so than men, and it begins with this fact. Louann Brizendine, author of “The Female Brain”, says that “…guys circuits are incapable of encoding in their memory both pleasant and unpleasant emotional experiences because their hippocampus is smaller than that in a woman’s brain.” p.128 Therefore, a woman would clearly be more capable of holding onto memories, both good and bad, than a man. This leads me to believe that the hippocampus is therefore solely responsible for why women have certain and specific painful or happy memories from a time in their relationship and men have actual no recollection of the event even occurring.

This allows many other impeding questions to surface such as, does this then directly correlate to a man’s ability to move on faster than a woman? Do all men move on from an ex faster then women simply because their brains don’t collect, hold onto, and then store memories from their previous relationship? Or why when two male friends get in an argument they either don’t deal with the argument at all, or simply never actually be friends again? Do all women simply hold onto these emotionally scaring memories and carry them over into their next relationship?

It’s important to recognize that the hippocampus is not solely responsible for storing painful emotions. It’s responsible for all emotions and all memory including happiness, love and ecstasy. So it’s not just that women hold onto their painful emotional wounds, but they also forever remember what they were wearing on a first date turned love of their life.

I do realize that all situations vary and I am sure it is possible that there are women out there who move on faster than men. However, here I would like to argue that if that is the case, it is strongly likely that that woman was never really, truly in love with that man in the first place.

Taking Time for You

Sometimes I think that loving yourself begins with making time for yourself. Taking yourself out of “the scene” and doing things just for you. Not for any other reason other than it gives you peace of mind. What exactly is peace of mind? Well I think it’s technically different for one person than it is for another. I think it could be closing your eyes and finding your spot of peace mentally, sitting there, and dwelling in that for awhile. Or for others it could be pure meditation, or what about finding peace of mind through mental interaction with your atmosphere. Any way you can, finding your peace of mind, once a day, or at least once a week, is crucial. It’s crucial to survival. It calms the mind, body and soul, and it has the ability to put things back together. That is not to say that things were broken in the first place, it just simply means it can give you a refreshing start.

Starting fresh is another paradox. It’s something that would have lots of different meanings to everyone. In this case to reach a refreshing start, I simply mean clear your head, re-gather your thoughts, and view the things at hand without all the clouds. It’s like clearing away the fog and seeing the sun again.

The reason I think its so important to do these things is because getting a refreshing start, taking this time for yourself, allows you/reminds you to be true to you.

Maybe you don’t have a hard time being true to you. But I can say, I most definitely can get lost in the things life throws at me, in the things I put around me, and the places I am in. It can be easy, and sometimes fun to just be where you are. But, clearing everything else away and refreshing your mind gives you the opportunity to reconnect with your soul.

In the every day life of interacting with other human beings it’s really easy to not necessarily forget your soul, but to simply follow along with the lifestyle of those around you. Remembering you for you, not what it is that makes you, but to the core, who you are, and reconnecting, constantly building upon your soul, is what will help you remain true to you.

For the people pleasers like myself, this forces me to being up the question of, how much time do you give yourself before others start resenting your time with you. Or with that question am I than simply contradicting the theme of this thought? ...taking time for you and for no other reason than to be you.

Elegant Simplicity and Evocative Quality

Accented life can mean whatever you want it to mean. It can be the way you choose to live your life, or literally life accentuated. The blogs posted here will be as open minded as possible. I have recently discovered that I am not as open minded as I’d like to be. I call myself liberal minded, and believe to be open to new ideas and accepting of lifestyles I may not understand. But yet, I found that as time went on I only seemed to be open minded about the things that didn’t directly affect me. But when it came down to it, if people close to me, ie: those that directly affected me, were doing things that I strongly disagreed with, I was my own arch nemesis, I was close minded. I was unwilling to accept the way the people I loved most were choosing to live their life.

The bottom line there, or the silver lining I guess we could say is really that their life, is not my life to live. I can only control the decisions I make, the beliefs I have. When I feel strongly enough about those opinions, I can by all means express them through freedom of speech; however, I’m going to be more open to hearing what others have to say.

I wanted to create this blog as a way to express all things beautiful, imperfect, boundless, spiritual, philosophical and more. I would like this to simply be revelations I’ve had about life, and possibly help others grasp some understanding because of them.

Eating clouds through love that is forever boundless while finding the center of your own being so all else can be pure and mystical like a spiritual act of sex, or the way sex should be, and the natural physical beingness so that letting go of what you thought was real can be a little easier than the hardest thing - thus the travel along the voyage of accented life.