Interpersonal relationships are expanders. They open your world view, expanding the way in which you see the world, bringing in alternate perspectives and so many other thoughts that you might not have otherwise seen or understood. Interpersonal relationships teach us everything we need to know about ourselves, about how we interact with the world, about the perspectives we do and don’t have, about our flaws and our strengths in the world. These relationships are wildly important to our growth culturally, and personally, and yet the understanding that we have of another is just one piece of the pie. What I mean by this is we don’t know what we don’t know. We can’t see what we can’t see. So there will always be more to a person than our current understanding that we have.
Take the example of you’re in the car, you’re driving and you get cut off. You feel super triggered because well that person was being an idiot, they almost hurt you, how could they think that they were driving the right way? Then if you can get calm enough you consider that maybe they are a beginner and just learning to drive, or maybe they’re running late to the hospital where a loved one has recently been placed. We don’t know what’s going on in that other car and when we are able to consider what that person might be dealing with, we begin to release judgement and instead call forward more compassion and understanding. This is the same perspective I hope to call in more often. There is an energy we get from another, that is undeniable. And you are certainly not meant to like every type of human, or to be friends with everyone in the world. There are many things that connect you to another, friendships built on depth, on common interests, on shared heartfelt experiences. But even if someone isn’t meant to be your friend, even if they’re not someone you would typically run in a circle with, isn’t there a little more space we could be giving to one another without being written off too quickly? Space to be messy, to make mistakes, to be misunderstood?
I am absolutely guilty of this. Of feeling the energy of another and deciding right here and now that this person is not my type of person. And guess what, maybe they aren’t! The trick is in choosing not to judge them for why they are not your type of person. Choosing to address them with love and understanding anyway. Choosing to feel compassion towards them for exactly who they are.
It feels like we could all be holding a little more space for each other to be a whole person. Space to sometimes be crabby. Space left for mystery, for not understanding the heart of another without it necessarily being wrong or a bad thing. Maybe you don’t even write these things off as bad or wrong, but you write them off as weird. We don’t have to understand the weird energy we feel from another, and maybe that’s just okay. If we were all holding a little more space for differences, for the things we don’t quite yet understand, maybe just maybe, there would be room for more compassion. Maybe there would be room for empathy without understanding why the weirdness is felt, or why they cut you off. It feels as though we could leave a little more space for the rest of the pie of the whole person that someone is to be filled in without judgement, and instead with love guiding the way. For me, it always comes back to love.
Am I loving myself enough that I can leave space for that person to be who they are without judgement? Am I loving myself enough to believe I too am worthy of success? Am I loving myself enough that I believe exactly who I am and what I bring to the table is enough, and if I am then there is all the room in the world for the other person to fill in their whole person pie. If I am truly loving myself in the deepest way I know how, then there is more than enough space for each of us to discover our own whole-person and that is the exact journey I want to be on with you. A journey of discovering our own whole pies.