Why should I give people love who have hurt me?
/In short :: Maybe you shouldn’t. Though it’s also possible that you could hurt yourself more by building a wall of conditions around love, then it does to let love flow through you.
In Expanded Wild Hearts this weekend this was a big question that was explored. When we are in pain, when we hold anger, we can be known to withhold our love for protection. That’s not bad or wrong, it’s just interesting to explore. If you are withholding your love for protection, the question becomes how much are you protecting yourself from allowing more love in? From allowing it to be the way in which you engage in the world?
This is not about giving your love to people who don’t deserve it. It’s not about letting them “off the hook” for how they have treated you or what they did. It’s not about forgiving them, in fact it’s really not even about them at all. When you protect yourself from love by creating conditions around it, you’re cutting yourself off from the energy of love.
We can’t force ourselves to forgive.
We can’t make love exist in some place where it doesn’t.
We can’t, and we shouldn’t be giving our love away freely to anyone and anything no matter what.
But we can choose the forgiving path time and time again.
We can choose to let the love lens be the way in which we view the world, time and time again.
We can allow the grace of love to be the root of our decisions, time and time again.
We can meet ourselves where we are, time and time again, and we can continue breaking down the need for defense or protection of any kind.
Giving and receiving love from those you have a strained relationship with, or those who have hurt you is not about those people at all. It’s about living in the presence of love. It’s about letting love be the force of grace that flows in and out of your life. Unconditional love can and does have strong boundaries. Loving people for who they are, as they are, without needing to change them, accepting them for who they are, as they are, without giving from your own well, that is a powerful love boundary. Exploring our own love boundaries is like holding your beautiful hearts little hand as it ventures out across the street to where it was hurt once before. Hold your hearts hand, and discover the love boundaries that are right for you.
The grace of love, letting love move freely in and out of your life, in and out of your body, is usually going to be the harder choice. The body wants to be protected, it will do what it needs in order to survive the emotional experience or trauma you have been through. But once you are no longer in the trauma itself, can you recognize the new place you’re in and choose to step forward into more healing?
Giving love is a symbol, it sets you free, as much as it sets the one who hurt you free. If you aren’t at a place where you can wish loving wishes okay. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not in the wrong place, that is where you are. You can’t force yourself to be ready to give and receive love to those who have hurt you before you are ready. That’s okay. There’s no need to jump into love if that’s not where you are. Send them well wishes. Send them peace. Send them health. Ask your body what you are ready to send, and practice, imagine, sending that life force their way. Imagine receiving it from them. You can work your way through various energy forces, sending and receiving whatever it is you are ready for today. Notice where you are, meet yourself there, and maybe somewhere down the line there will be a time when you can give and receive love without conditions, love without protection. But if today is not that day, okay, start with where you are.
You are worthy of exuding unconditional love each and every day. Worthy of feeling full on unconditional love yourself. Giving love to someone who has hurt you is less about them and more about you. You are the one you are healing. You are the one who desires to live in unconditional love.
